Start Again

Step 13

<A/N> This one is fluffy. That's it that's the author's note.

Hozier- Like Real People Do

Finally, the world stopped around you every time you closed your eyes. You hadn't had any kind of dreams in days. Bucky's arms proving once again to be the only place your mind was at peace. It was hard waking up next to him your body soar from the fucked out state you'd been in the night before. And having to talk again about the way his temper was building a wedge between you always felt like holding a match to the fire. Words wouldn't be enough anymore you needed action from him. You deserved nothing less.

You'd felt yourself developing a habit of following your heart into the fire that was Bucky. He had broken you down through your unyielding desire for one another. It had been more than the need to rid your brain of the numbing pain that was tattooed to the center of your brain. Bucky's hold on you felt real and not simply in a physical way. You'd been drawn to him since you met him.

It was disappointing to learn he was an asshole. But it was devastating to know that he was a paragon. A gentile man covered in 100 years of scars. But he burned you badly and left you to pick up the pieces up off the floor. The deepest pain came and you were alone having to hold yourself together doing nothing more than surviving. When you jumped back into this it was with the intention of keeping your heart guarded. Building a castle around your vulnerabilities and keeping him at the gate. But even the road to hell was paved with good intentions. Your wall had crumbled into a pile of pebbles sunk to the bottom of the river and was being washed away with the stream.

It had been painfully obvious that you needed him there when you slept. So he stayed with you or you stayed with him it was usually the ladder since he had more upgrades in his apartment than you did. The FBU had set you up remotely on a secure server in the Stark Compound so working had become a part of your day to day again. Dr. Clea saw the benefits of trying to normalize your routine and it kept your mind busy. It felt weird at first to sit in a cubicle in an office you didn't know surrounded by people who were not your coworkers. But if you stood and leaned over to your left you could see Bucky's desk and the comfort of having him that close gave you the courage to power through.

Working together, living together, sleeping together, and sleeping together. There was hardly a time of day you and he weren't in the same room. As annoying as it all sounds it really just felt easy.

He had been home a little over a week before he had to leave again. You didn't know where he was going and you knew better than to ask. The answer he gave you would either hurt you or make you worry more. He had promised that if he had to leave again he would try his hardest to make sure you had a warning. If not from him then another agent. Knowing he was coming back to you, that he still wanted you, and that he didn't want to leave you made the blow of not having him around a little less painful. He was in his gear when he burst into the pool room. The door flung open so fast that even under the water you could hear the way the metal door connected with the cinderblock walls.

"Doll!" He called out as you were already on your way to the side where he was standing. You pulled yourself from the water worried that he was going to tell you he was leaving. You saw it coming in his urgency, in his uniform. You looked down at your hands as you reached the top of the ladder standing in front of him. Hoping that if you didn't look at him he didn't have to leave.

"I should be back tonight, baby. Don't pout."

Your eyes stung with the threat of tears. You wanted to be strong for him so he could focus. You didn't want him out there distracted especially if it because of you. You tried your best to swallow the lump in your throat.