HIS Young Mate: "Sequel to Her Young Mate"

Part Thirty Four: Stranger

I wake up to the cold crisp air and an overcast sun shining down on me. At first I'm groggy, and can't remember why I'm outside, but when the flood of memories from last night comes rushing in I'm reminded of everything that happened between Durst and I.

Hands grabbing, lips thrashing...

My first time.

My skin instantly starts feeling red hot, and quickly I forget the cold. I look down at Durst and he's sleeping very peacefully, like he too doesn't notice a thing surrounding him. It's early, so I'm still exhausted from last night, and I can't decide if I should leave Durst to sleep or not.

"You think we could make it in time for breakfast?" Durst says with a yawn, pulling the blanket up to his chin. The warm rush of embarrassment grows tenfold. Last night was something I can't take back- not that I'd want to- but knowing that feels like such a big deal. I don't know what to do with it. I feel awkward not knowing what to do with it; do we talk about it, does this mean we'll do it all the time, do I want to, is it a big deal to him?

"I- I'm sure we could. I think I need to shower first, maybe I'll skip breakfast-"

"You afraid of the walk of shame?"

"What?" I gulp.

"Are you afraid of everyone knowing we spent last night, out, doing... stuff?" He says this in a lighthearted way, and I appreciate him being the first to mention it, but it also makes me feel sickly embarrassed. Like completely filled to my limit with cringe.

"God don't say that." I say, hiding my face against my knees. He laughs and rolls onto his back as I peek over at him, and he smiles at my coyly.

"It's not a big deal-"

"It is-"

"Well of course, for us. I mean not to everyone else. They won't care, they won't want to ask, or know. Trust me." He says dismissively. I don't respond, because my mind is racing. I feel like a totally different person from last night. When everything was happening I had let my wolf take so much charge, that it almost felt like an out of body experience. It was good, really good, it was an experience like no other I have ever had, but now I felt so distant from it.

Durst sits up and puts his hand on my back and rubs it gently. "You okay?"

I nod, but hide my face more.

I feel his hand leave me quickly, and I don't want it to, but I don't protest.

"Did I do something wrong? Should I not have-"

"No- no. I just- I'm processing." I say, and look up at him. He leans over and kisses my forehead.

"Alright, I get it," his eyes are devout, calming, kind. "Can I hold you?" I nod yes to him and he scoots closer and holds me to his side. We both stare at the ocean for a minute, and after a moment I finally feel comfortable enough to get closer to him and lean into his chest. He kisses the top of my head. "You know, things don't have to change after last night. That was... the best feeling I've had in my life-"

"Really?" I'm a little shocked, with his experience I'm questioning everything. He laughs, and suddenly he's red in the face.

"Well, yeah Lavender, you're my mate. Nothing is as great as that. Just, you know, we don't have to feel weird or do anything else if you're feeling a certain way."

"I... honestly I don't know how I feel. I just feel... weird? Different? Like I'm having a hard time looking at you without feeling like my brain is going to explode." I say with a laugh.

"You know babe, I think that's totally normal, I felt that way my- you know what never mind."

"It's okay, Durst- I mean I know- you know- actually yeah let's not talk about that." I agree. He laughs again and it totally brightens my mood. "You know what, yeah, let's go get breakfast. No one has to know what we do- did- shit I'm just gonna stop talking." I shake my head and he laughs at our awkwardness and hugs me again, kisses my head again, and then hops out of the truck. He holds his hand out to me and I just throw myself at him and even though he's taken off guard he catches me and spins me before putting me down. When I go to run around to my side of the truck he taps my bottom and watches me for a moment, shakes his head, and then gets in as well.

I smoke a jay as we drive in silence. As cliche as it makes me feel, I feel like the world is totally different. I feel like a whole new person in a way that even getting married hadn't. My wolf stirs in my heart when I think about it, and I know the connection I made with Durst- my mate- last night has changed me. I really want to talk to someone about it- honestly- vent my emotions, but I'm instantly raking my brain on who. Most of my friends are related to me. Leon and Hunt are good to talk to, but I'd feel really awkward, especially because they talk a lot and Leon talks to Durst a lot. Kaylee is the obvious choice, but I also don't want her to feel any sort of weird pressure knowing that I have and she hasn't taken that step with our mates. Beckett is who my mind says to talk with, but the layers of awkward that it would entail makes me sick just thinking about it. He's definitely the friend I would have had that talk with a few uncomfortable moments ago, but not now. Maybe I need to make new friends. For now I'm just going to have to stew in my feelings alone.

I steal a glance at Durst, and instantly he starts to smile, and it feels contagious, even through all of my self-consciousness and confusion. There's something else fresh on my mind, though, and it's the way I've been feeling lately. The red encroaching me in my anger. The long periods of time disappearing and waking up in random places. It's terrifying me. The most terrifying part is knowing what it really means, and remembering the last time I encountered it.

Danny was fighting going rogue, I saw the darkness in his eyes when he woke from his coma. It took hours for me to clean up the blood he left across the kitchen floor- even longer than it should have, because I did it myself instead of asking my sisters for help. I didn't want to scare them in any way, and handled the burden myself. The blood didn't bother me as much as the look in his eyes had. He looked afraid and terrifying at the same time. Rabid. That's what it looked like. That isn't how I felt, though. Not when it seemed to be happening to me. Durst and Beckett had made it clear that's what they thought it was, too- going rogue. I'm not sure if Beckett had ever seen it first hand, but Durst had a few times, when it happened to Danny when he woke and when he did it on purpose to stop the rogues that had attacked him.

The look on Danny's face when he was rogue will forever be seared into my memory, and I wonder if it's the same for Durst and Beckett. Only, it has to be different- right? Because I don't feel the way Daniel did, at least from what his expression showed. I wish suddenly, and deeply, that I could still talk to Danny about everything. I shared a lot with him at one point, somewhere between him ordering me to not see Durst at all and sending me off to live with him. That in between zone when all I cared about was training and the pack. Now he felt like a stranger.

I feel like a stranger.

Especially when that feeling comes over me, but even if I could talk to Danny it isn't like when he did the same. It can't be. When I feel the red warmth and fire coming for me I embrace it, and when I embrace it I feel powerful. I feel in control, and I like that feeling.

"Pull over-"

"What?"

"Please, Durst." I say seriously.

He complies as the flames inside me grow and before he can protest or question I'm on top of him, letting the fire consume me again.