HIS Young Mate: "Sequel to Her Young Mate"

Part Thirteen: Heavy

I was standing, and despite me knowing there were people behind me, I didn't see or hear them. They were like a black fog behind me that drew further and further away. I moved forward through the trees slowly; every sense heightened, every bit of me aware. When I sensed I had left quite a ways I slip off my dress to feel the night air, only making me more aware.

The moment before this- of feeling nothing, felt heavy- there was no other word for it... It seemed so fast, but... Heavy. Super intense, yet dull- all at once. When I stood it had only felt like seconds, before I was walking away from my family, and deep into the forest.

I literally began to feel every part of my body. My eyes felt sensitive, soft and moist as they moved slowly; they took in every moment, every color, every shadow. My eyes computed each sight, as my ears channeled in each sound articulately. Even as my feet touched the ground I took in my surroundings: the moist earth, crunch of the leaves, the cool trickling of a stream running through my toes... It was all so intense. I stopped, feeling overwhelmed, yet excited, my heart pounding harder and faster than ever.

Even the trees above me looked like they were breathing, in and out with the wind.

I knew what was next, the pain, and I could take it. I had grown so much lately that this would be familiar at least. Besides, I knew that whatever pain I experience will pass, and I will forget it. I've learned you only keep emotions in your memory; sights, sounds, feeling- never pain. When it's gone it's gone.

I closed my eyes, focused on clearing my mind, thought about Durst.

With a gut wrenching feeling I keel over.

It feels like my blood is liquid fire.

And when the first loud crack coming from my spine causes me to scream out in pain and arch my back at the feel of my spine moving, I begin to change.

It's a slurry of mind numbing pain from there on out.

In all honesty I can say it was the worst feeling I will ever go through- but on the same note it felt so right.

It feels like I'm finally shedding my costume and becoming who I'm truly supposed to be.

I hear my brother's howl in the night, Cora replies with a howl, and I know the Alpha and Luna are waiting for me to fall into line.

My bones seem to be cracking and growing at an alarming rate now, and it seems to happen all at once that I'm growing taller, falling to my knees, my fur is growing along my arms. I close my as I hear Owen and Frea howl. The pain is almost finished- I know it, but then a searing pain shoots through me, and the only comfort I find is in the cool shine of the moon. It seems nearly unbearable, I'm about to tear at my own flesh, I cry out in anguish, but then my throat seizes up, I think something is going wrong and clench my eyes tighter together.

Then I hear his howl.

My eyes shoot open.

I feel like I'm no longer just myself, but something else entirely.

I hear another howl; I realize it's my own.

Find him!

My wolf is adamant and so am I.

I howl again, and Durst responds instantly. I can sense him running up behind me as my paws take stride to catch up with Frea, who I'm supposed to stay closer to tonight. Usually during a first change you run free. This is not a usual changing- I am a Delta and I must follow the rules from the beginning.

Run to him, don't hesitate.

I shake my muzzle, trying to clear my mind, follow the rules, feel Durst beside me as much as I can, listen to my wolf yet go against her instinct. It's all rushing through my mind. One thing sticks out though.

I want  to be free.

I cut away from formation.

Disobeying our alpha will get us punished.

I'm already punished. I'm always punished. I'm never free. We are strong, we can do this.

Oh I like you already.

Lavender! Lavender!

I can barely hear Durst, but I hear him, despite this being my first night changed, and not having fully linked with the others, I'm surprised to hear his voice in my thoughts. He is the best communicator in the pack, though, and sometimes mates share strong abilities- it's part of what makes them a full component of the pack. I'm not sure if I can communicate properly back yet, though. And I'm not sure if he's even fully communicating, or if I'm just hearing his most prominent thought.

I'm fine. 

I try to think it clearly enough, and let out a howl saying I'm okay- as I run further and further away from the pack, who are now turning formation to follow Durst in chasing after me.

I let out an angry growl, wishing they'd just let me go. I can't even be near Durst, why would he follow me?

He wants to claim us.

I shake my head again to clear the thought, but it was hard to shake once it was there. And even if he caught up there was nothing we could do about it for now.

I hear the Alpha's angry call.

My wolf seems to start controlling me, trying to get me to stop but I don't want to, I want to push forward. I want to be free. I want to run- I want to jump and play- and feel everything I'm supposed to feel today. I don't want to be thinking about anything- not Durst, family, not my responsibilities, I just want to run.

I put my head down.

I'm pretty sure I run faster than any wolf in our pack ever has. I run, knowing in front of me is a vast set of invisible borders that contain all of our land. I head for the furthest one, relishing in the feeling of the wind in my fur, the sweat on my brow, even the strands of drool that leave my drying mouth give me the most amazing -rushing- feeling of freedom! Every pounding step of my paws lets me know I'm getting further and further away from all the cares in the world. Yes I want to be there with Durst, yes I want to feel part of my pack- but today, now... Is just for me.

Durst howls for me again, yipping in fear, but I push forward again, running faster and further than I thought I ever could. I'll face the punishment later.