The Raven Hotel | Jikook |

Chapter 57: Old Habits Die Hard

    Jeon Jungkook knew there was so much more to read, he knew there could be a chance that this wasn't all there was to his pain. But of course, he didn't think he could put himself through the burden by reading more. The way Jimin described and wrote about Hyunwon was the way Jungkook wanted to be written about. He wanted to take up Jimin's heart and not have anyone standing right by him to share that spot. Jungkook wanted to be the only thing Jimin thought about just like the way Jungkook thought of him.

      A pain struck Jungkook deep within his weak little heart all while he looked forward and dried his own tears. He began to put together a quick outfit just to wash up and put on right after. As he continued to cry and yearn for the bitter taste of alcohol, he avoided looking over at the direction of the book that taunted him before. He knew he had so much left to read, but it made him too anxious to even turn to the next page. Fearing that there would be an entry about when they first made love; expecting that entry to be all about Hyunwon in some way.

      Like a coward in his mind, Jungkook pushed the book away and wanted to run towards something that beamed with familiarity. Something that helped him cope with the pain before; that was nothing other than the bitter taste of alcohol burning down his throat. He grew addicted to the taste to the point where it no longer tasted bitter to him, it was sweet. Sweet was how he described that feeling, but no matter what, he kept running back to it. Reminding himself that he would never be completely over such a sensation that always seemed to ease him instantly. Old habits die hard.

       After he was done with his shower; washing away the night before, he stepped out and looked at himself in the mirror as he dried himself.

      "My little raven," Jungkook thought in his head as he listened to Jimin's voice playback in his thoughts. Jungkook let out a scoff before rolling his hair back and looking at himself deeply at the mirror. "Who am I... to you...?" Jungkook asked as he continued to look at himself. "Am I what you make me out to be? Hyunwon, the perfect boy who stole Jimin's heart? Then, what am I.... who am I to Jimin...?"

      Jungkook continued to ask himself as he looked into his teary gaze through the reflection of the mirror. Slowly running his hair back just like Jimin always did. But just then, he looked at his own reflection and noticed that his own reflection didn't belong to him either. He looked just like Hyunwon and this was something Jungkook began to despise.

     Suddenly, he began to cry. He cried to himself at the sight of his resemblance to the dead man he envied so much when it came to Jimin's love. Jimin was the only one who truly loved the boy like this so in the moment Jungkook began to lose that, he became so helpless towards his pain, he didn't notice when he dropped his guard and allowed his dirty habit to crawl it's way back into his mind. The little lamb was once again, helpless to his own inner self.

    With all the thoughts filling Jungkook's mind at the sight of Hyunwon standing in the mirror where his own reflection should be, Jungkook quickly picked up the hand soap dispenser and struck the bathroom mirror with it. Instantly causing the glass to shatter as he let out a weep while he finally dropped the soap dispenser and latched his trembling fingers onto his damp hair.

     "I-I can't stay here!" Jungkook cried to himself. Knowing well that his bad habit began to demand it's medication and that was the alcohol.

       Just as Jungkook quickly dressed himself up, he remembered Hoseok; the man who carried many bottles and kept them hidden away. He knew he shouldn't run out of the room and disobey Jimin, but was Jungkook willing to stay where his mind was beginning to spin out of control? No, Jungkook just wanted it all to end now. He wanted to numb his own pain so he wouldn't feel any of it... heaven knew how much he went through to the point where drinking was now a part of him when he couldn't handle things on his own. He became helpless once more and gave in to his addiction.