The Raven Hotel | Jikook |

Chapter 59: The Way I See You

  His words struck Jungkook like bullets being constantly shot at him. With the way Jimin spoke those heavy words, Jungkook instantly began to tear up at the sight of Jimin just looking off to the window he no longer boarded up.

"How... How could you say that to me..." Jungkook whispered out of his own tears as he watched Jimin continue to stare out the window. "Look at me... look at me when I speak to you! I'm not going to kill you, Jimin, I would never want to harm you!" The boy cried as all he managed to get was Jimin looking back with a tear escaping his eye. He no longer wore a mask to hide his emotions and was now fully vulnerable to his lover. "How could you say that we are destined to fall apart? Y-You don't know that! If anything, we were destined to be together..."

"Jungkook, I've lived through the pain so many times... I know where this will end but this time, it will be my last. I will let you go, live your life and find someone better than the 'man' you thought you loved. Find someone who won't compare you to anyone... because heaven knows you're too beautiful, perfect, loving... to be compared to another soul so easily. That's where I messed up... and I know I won't ever do it again..."

"Y-You don't mean it... I won't go!"

"If you don't, I'll force you to run away from me. I've harmed you enough... that book, I know you read it. For the longest I've made the horrid mistake of comparing you to someone that died the moment you were brought into this world... but along the way, I tried so hard to turn you into a replica of Hyunwon. I confess, at one point I did try to make you up to be Hyunwon from the start. How could I not? You look like him in so many ways, I... I didn't know what I was doing until you began to realize it. I set myself up for this rude awakening. I always made you believe you were so much like him... but it was all a lie," Jimin whispered and looked down at his own gloved hand resting over his own knees. "The truth is... you two are so different. I allowed my mind to fool myself into believing that you two were the exact same when in reality, you are so much better than what he was..."

Jungkook stepped closer as he sat further away from Jimin over the big silk bed. Looking at Jimin as the tears raced down his right eye. Yet, his voice never cracked or missed a beat to his perfect sound. This alone allowed Jungkook to listen carefully as Jimin's voice alone was enough to keep him thinking.

"Hyunwon; he wasn't the nicest to me... he wasn't the most warming person to be around but like a fool... I fell for him. I wanted him to fill in that empty void I had after my last lover left me too... so when Hyunwon arrived at the hotel, I never thought someone could move me with just an innocent glance, I felt that connection right off the bat and just knew that he had to be the one who left me before. Of course, it's always been like that. I fall in love, then, I lose them forever. Hyunwon was someone I wanted to keep, but he made it difficult for me to wish for it. Even if our so-called 'love' wasn't the best, he was the only one that showed me such love that I... that I somehow admired him for it. At times I sat alone and thought that maybe this boy is playing me until he could escape... but I didn't think much of it. I was desperate, I was blind... I just wanted him to love me the way I loved him. Oh god, if only I learned to love myself in the same way I loved him. Through him, I learned to hate myself and worship him until... he left me. He lost his mind and I can't say that he was a bad person because I didn't know what went on behind that gentle smile of his...."

Jimin continued on, telling Jungkook the differences between him and Hyunwon. Something that was never mentioned in the entries at all. This was something Jimin never opened up about before and this was what left Jungkook's heart aching; aching at the sound of Jimin's tale after so much has happened to him before.

"But you... oh you... you only looked like him and the moment I saw you, I believed that this was my second shot at being with him. The pain I lived through finally began to build up to the point where I wanted you to be him so badly... just so I could have a nicer version of him... one that I wanted to see so long ago. But my time with him passed and the moment you began to care for me like the way I did to him, I became so broken... so broken that I would cry. Cry about the fact that I wasn't given such love before. Jungkook, you are perfect... loving and smart, kind and adoring. Hyunwon is nothing compared to you and I f-failed to love you the way that you love me. No one loves me like you do and it hurts... hurts that you have to go through this. I don't want you to lose your mind here..." Jimin whispered and slowly slid his hand up to Jungkook's before fully turning around to look at him as he reached out for his hand. "So leave... leave me and I will finish my eternal life. You deserve better! You deserve someone like-"