Torn in two - Lashton

is this goodbye?

Luke's POV.

I can't take this anymore.

I loved Ashton, I loved him more than myself.

I just can't take being with him anymore.

The constant crying, the countless attempts of suicide. I just can't handle it any longer.

I went into out shared bedroom and opened the drawer to our armoire. I glanced at the sleeping Ashton and sighed. I love him, but I can't be with him. I grabbed my stashed suitcase and quietly filled it up with my clothes, toothbrush, and other things like my laptop.

I made him a quick bowl of cereal and placed it on the coffee table of our small living room. I turned on the television and tuned it to the news channel so he could see the morning weather before work. I placed a cup of coffee on the table, making sure it had cream and two sugars.

I looked back into the bedroom and saw Ashton still sound asleep, it was only 5:30 am.

I walked over to the sleeping boy and felt my eyes well up with tears.

Fuck, don't cry.

"I love you" I whispered as a tear rolled down my cheek.

"Fuck, I love you so much" I whispered again and I kissed his forehead.

"Goodbye, Ashton" I wiped my face and pulled the blanket up over him, covering his shivering body.

I walked out to where I put my suitcase and sighed. I placed $100 on the counter in the kitchen along with the note I had written him the night before and and a small flower.

I quickly re-read my long letter and scrambled some last words on it.

"I love you so much, don't forget. I'll be back, love you again- Luke"

I quietly opened the door to our shared flat, locking the door behind me and making sure to keep the spare key was in my pocket.

I took my suitcase and closed the door.

I'm not coming back.

---

I seemed to be speeding down the highway and I felt my phone buzzing in my pocket.

"Fuck!" I looked down at my phone to see what flood of texts I was getting.

"Luke? Luke where are you?"

"Luke what's going on"

"Fuck, you found someone better"

"I thought you loved me"

"You asshole"

All these messages were coming from Ashton, the person I just didn't feel like talking to.

I placed my phone down and had another swig of the beer I bought at the gas station.

I snatched my phone up from the passenger seat and looked at it again

"Fuck you I don't fucking need you"
I heard Ashton's voice pound in my head.

"I'm sorry" I hit send and looked up to see two bright headlights coming towards me, then darkness.

---

Ashton's POV.

"How could he do this to me?" I screamed as I picked up the useless piece of paper he had written to me.

"I just don't understand" I said to myself as I looked at the first sentence of the letter.

I haven't even read it yet and I knew he was leaving me.

His laptop was gone and so was all his clothes, that's a clear hint.

I swallowed hard as I began reading the last thing I'll ever see from the person I love the most.

Dear Ashton,
Clearly by the time you're reading this I'm gone. Im so so sorry I couldn't stay with you. Now here's why I couldn't handle you. You're too fragile and I fear everyday I, or someone else, will hurt you. This constant fear has gotten in the way of everything straight down to when I kiss you. It's so bad that I feel like if i kiss you too soft you'll wonder why I hadn't kissed you more passionately, but if I do kiss you in that way you'll think I'm being to rough. Do you get what I mean? Your like a flower in a glass case in the middle of a burning city. You're beautiful and dainty. Ash, I love you to death and I would honestly kill for you. And I know, I know right now you're saying to you're self "Damn, he's such a prick" But please just know I care about you with all my heart. Do you remember that time when we went to the mall and Tyler ganged up on you and hurt you pretty bad? When I came to your house to check on you? Do you remember how I showed you my scars? Well, I hadn't told you how I got them. They're from a girl, my first love. But this girl reminds me of you. She was beautiful, amazing, passionate, and she had depression. She killed herself on the night of our 1 year anniversary. I had gone to her house with a dozen roses and a big diamond necklace. No one was home so I let myself in, and there I saw her. She had cuts down her arms and was hanging off the balcony upstairs. I was heart broken. That's when it started, when I started hating myself. I thought it was because of me, like it was my fault she felt that way. I cut so much I went to the hospital. I don't really remember that day but I do remember my parents crying when they found me in the tub with all the cuts down my arms-

I paused for a moment and looked up

"Ashton, stop crying" I told myself as I wiped the tears that were falling from my eyes.

"This guy left you for no reason, just-just stop" I repeated.

I took a deep breath and continued reading the letter Luke left me.

But Ashton, back to the point. You don't need me babe. I hold you back from your happiness. Thank you for helping me as well. But last night was the last time you'll ever see me. This note right here, is my suicide note. I'm going to kill my self. I don't know when I don't know how, but I am. I can't handle this cruel world any longer. I love you and I can't be with you and that's that. That's just how life is and mine needs to end. Look Ashton, you saved me for a bit. You helped me forget all the bad things. When I was about to drown, but you pulled me back to the surface. I'm done but I love you. I'm just torn in two. Torn between a miserable life, or death.
I love you so much, don't forget. I'll be back, love you again- Luke"

///

SoOo I haven't posted in like 3 months...
I've just been busy, cheering competitions, tests and school work, and I'm currently going through a breakup :((.

I love you guys :)
- Killi