Beastly Beauty ✓

30. The Composers

30 | THE COMPOSERS

Hoseok awaited my response, but a heart-wrenched stare was all I could offer.

"It wasn't an accident," he went on in a low tone, "I was trying to punish myself."

My teeth clenched to ward off tears as the image of a young Hoseok clawing his own face haunted me. "Why would you have to punish yourself?"

"Because I hurt everyone important to me," he said quietly.

"How?" I asked, though I couldn't imagine it was true.

"My parents were so scared of my abilities when they started showing up that they dumped me in front of a foster home and disappeared. I was only five. A couple years later, Jungkook's parents took me in. I tried being Jungkook's friend, but it only lasted a couple of weeks. Some of our classmates picked on me when they found out I wasn't his real brother and that my real parents left. And they started to notice I was different, which only worsened the bullying."

"I don't understand how they could do that."

Hoseok shook his head, his face heavy with the weight of his past. "Kids don't know how to react to what's unfamiliar. Sometimes my eyes would act up, or I'd try playing a game with them and my adrenaline would kick in and I'd accidentally burn someone. They started to avoid Jungkook too, since he tried to stick up for me. I guess he resented me for it over time."

My stomach twisted as I put myself in his place. How dreadful it must've been to learn that his parents abandoned him for what he was, then to be rejected again by his peers and, eventually, his own adoptive brother.

"Please tell me that's not why you two don't get along now," I said hesitantly.

He seemed to notice my sympathy for him as his mouth tugged upward just enough for reassurance. "He understood it wasn't my fault as we got older. But there are still things that he does blame me for. And it doesn't help that we keep disagreeing about how to protect you. He wanted to tell you as much of the truth as possible right away. I wanted you to remember on your own."

I frowned in thought, remembering every time I felt so lost. It was painful to be kept in the dark, but the memories that had come back to me were worth the trial of waiting. Every moment with Jungkook and the moments that I still needed to remember with Hoseok would be preserved, and that was what mattered most.

"Things aren't always black and white. You tried to do what's best for me. Even though it's hard not knowing all of our past, I'd rather get those memories back for myself than to just be told about them."

Hoseok's eyes bore into mine, and I was struck again by the features he'd finally revealed.

"I wouldn't be so sure. Not everything you get back will be pleasant. Sometimes I wonder if it's better for you not to remember at all."

My hand rested on the side of his neck. "I know, but I still want it all. Now that I have some of it back, I can feel the parts of me that are missing. Even the bad still belongs to me, and I'm ready for it."

He swallowed, and his brows knit together. That signature amber soaked me in, drawing me close with the pull I'd come to crave. Something shifted in his eyes, sharpening with clarity. I wasn't aware of how near he was until his hands found my upper arms and our noses brushed. My eyes closed, and my inhale cut short as he tilted his head and brought his lips to mine.

His fear was discernible through every act. Kisses that ached, touches that lingered, holds that brought flutters to my heart and tears to my eyes. We were so new to each other, yet he made me feel like we were lifelong lovers in their last few moments before parting ways.