Beastly Beauty ✓

42. The Dancer

42 | THE DANCER

Remembering Jungkook was... too easy.

There was no escaping the constant reminder of what happened as word of the fire and two dead students blared over every local news station. Authorities couldn't make sense of what happened, and the story intrigued too big an audience.

We were lucky to stay out of the spotlight. Upon Yoongi's direction, we exited the building through the backside before any first responders could find us.

It was devastating for Hoseok. For all of us, but especially for him. Knowing Namjoon's blow was meant for him, recalling all the lost time he could've spent bonding with Jungkook...

I wouldn't fool myself into thinking I knew what it was like to lose a sibling. But I did relate to the mourning of wasted time. If not for Namjoon's descent to madness early on, Hoseok never would've wiped my memory to keep me safe. I wouldn't have lost all those years with him and Jungkook, and they wouldn't have had their falling out.

What kept Hoseok going the most was knowing their relationship was finally being repaired before Jungkook was taken.

What kept me going was knowing I had the power to keep the one promise I made to him.

But none of it made the process of healing any easier.
There was too much to deal with, too much to question before we could come to true acceptance.

Why didn't we fight harder? Why had Namjoon so easily left his mark on all of us? We had a hunter on our side, another Bul-Gae, two Descendants. Why had it taken so much to stop him?

The more I talked about it with the others, the more I realized I'd missed in the chaos of all that happened. Taehyung and Yoongi were more thrown by the Hood's identity than I knew. The false memories he'd used to gain their trust were so strong and so real that they still had doubts even as they fought him. Taehyung especially—he'd had the chance to hurt him, but he froze, and that's when Namjoon got the better of him.

"I've never experienced anything like it," Yoongi had mused somberly some days after everything happened. "We had years of memories where he was right there. Training with us, going on missions. Bonding. He was practically a brother to us, and there was just no possible way we could've been with him that long and not known what he was. Even now... it still feels like he was a real part of our past."

"I'm sorry," Taehyung had blurted as he turned to me, eyes watering. It was the first time I'd seen such emotion from him. "I failed, miserably. I was supposed to help you, I was supposed to keep you all safe. I just couldn't—" he paused and shut his eyes. "It's my fault he's gone."

"Mine too." Yoongi met my gaze, his mouth in a bitter curve.

"No," I shook my head, willing the tears to remain at bay, "Namjoon fooled us all. He was more powerful than any of us were prepared for. But Jungkook... he knew the risk he was taking. I tried to get him to leave, but he chose to stay. It's nobody's fault except Namjoon's."

Taehyung didn't respond, just continued to stare at the floor as silent tears streamed down his cheeks. Despite the guilt he was wracked with, I was grateful to see him there in front of me, recalling how terribly wounded he'd been as well. Mild goosebumps crept along my skin as I remembered the remainder of that night—what I'd learned about myself and still couldn't quite accept.

"Jangmi," Taehyung's voice called out, and my crying hitched. Slowly, gently, I leaned back and brought my arms to Hoseok's shoulders, meeting the worn and reddened eyes that surely matched mine. I knew with one look that he wasn't ready to speak, but I caressed his cheek before standing up.