Wilhemina Venable x Reader- Rehab

Relapse

TW: relapse (self harm, depression)

A/N: this is sad and very dark and I'm sorry 💔

Wilhemina had to leave for work early this morning because they are short of you so she has to do some extra work, she couldn't reason with Jeff and Mutt to give you both some days off but she talked to you about her having to go to work and you reassured her everything will be okay and you would call her if you need anything. As she arrives in her office Wilhemina does worry about you and your behavior the last few days but she doesn't wanna push you too much so she tries to distract herself by working but having her mobile phone close by. After Wilhemina left for work you kept tossing and turning in bed and you tried to go back to sleep as it is really early in the morning but for some reason you couldn't sleep. Normally it would be because you miss having Wilhemina close to you and sleeping on her chest or just being in her safe arms but since this last weekend the bad voice in your head is always there and no matter what you try it just won't go and it's annoying you so badly. It's still dark outside when you get up and you sit on the sofa for a while and try to watch some tv shows to distract yourself and it is working a little bit before your eyes feel heavy and you drift off to sleep the tv still on in the background. While you are sleeping it's Wilhemina's lunch break and she messaged you in the morning and after still having no messages from you she worries so she decides to dial your number but you don't answer. 

Mina 😈💜: Hey my love, are you okay?

Mina 😈💜: Are you not awake yet?

Mina 😈💜: Call me when you get this!!

After hearing your phone buzz a few times you open your eyes and it's now light outside and the tv is still on, you grab your phone and see Wilhemina's missed call and messages so you decide to call her back feeling bad about worrying her. You dial her number and she picks up within the first few seconds. ''Y/N?'' you hear her voice filled with some concern ''Hey Mina I am so sorry I was asleep'' you explain and there are a few moments of silence before she answers ''It's okay my love I just wanted to check on you'' and before you can answer in the background you hear her work phone ring. ''It's okay answer, i love you'' you say and she ends the call ''Love you too''. Normally you should smile or feel something, anything happiness, butterflies or just gratitude for your beautiful girlfriend and that you are lucky enough to actually call her yours but whether you wanna admit it to yourself or not you are spiraling again and you haven't felt like this since rehab and the weeks before in hospital and at college. For some reason everything is hitting you right now Pete and Sandra, Emma and her friends, the way you have treated Wilhemina in the past few days and everything is too much. Currently you are sitting on the sofa sobbing and you feel like screaming from the top of your lungs because the pressure is too much. The voice in your head is back and you get up and basically search the whole house for something sharp but you can't find anything, not the bathroom, Wilhemina's office, the bedroom or even the kitchen. The only thing you can find are some knifes but they wouldn't be sharp enough and you are mad at Wilhemina for hiding all the sharp objects. ''It's enough'' you think to yourself and grab your coat, keys and purse before walking out of the house and banging the front door in the process. This is the first time you are leaving the house without calling Matthew or telling Wilhemina where you are headed but you kind of don't care at this point so you walk for ages just enjoying the silence around you until you find the grocery store. You walk inside and walk to the isle with shavers and after you found some blades you feel awkward about just buying those so you walk to the isle with some drinks and decide to grab something to drink on the way. ''Y/N?'' you suddenly hear a familiar voice and turn around to be greeted by Miss Stevens. She is wearing a flower dress today, her long blonde hair reaching her waist. ''Hey'' you mumble still feeling awkward about the encounter you both had at the party the other weekend and when you shouted at her. ''How have you been?'' she asks and you try to hide the razors behind your back but you can't hide the bottle of vodka. ''Oh dear are you okay?'' she asks after seeing the drink. ''Oh yes I am okay just for a party you know'' you lie and force a smile. ''How come you didn't message me back?'' she asks and completely takes you by surprise. ''I'm so sorry I was busy'' you say not knowing what to answer exactly. ''It's okay'' she says with a smile and looks down biting her lip. ''Well if you ever wanna talk or something you have my number'' she says and walks past you and pats your shoulder. You are left in the grocery shop completely confused about what just happened. After standing there for a while you pay and make your way home and on the way you took some sips straight out the bottle.