Intoxicated

Chapter Eighteen

Something's wrong, I think as Alex drives towards Sadie's house. And I don't know how going to her party is going to solve that. It's separated from most, with it's mansion-like appearance; the closest to a mansion you can get in a town like this. I tuck my hands between my legs.

Alex's busted up, but trusty old jeep rumbles along the dark, windy road. The silence has never been so loud. "What is it?" I ask, finally, looking over at him.

His ivory white knuckles grip the steering wheel. "Nothing," he replies, keeping his furrowed face ahead.

I hold my stare. Why won't he just tell me?

Alex flicks his tongue over his raspberry coloured lips. "It's fine, Jamsie." He says sharply, rounding a corner before slowing to a stop in front of a large, glowing white house.

Bright colours and bass boosted trap music blast from it. I have no idea why we're here, or why I'm here - Sadie doesn't even like me. Just like her, Alex doesn't say a word to me as he kills the engine and hops out of the car. I do the same, though I have to do a little run to catch up with him.

I shiver against the cold, black air. We walk down the narrow stone path between the neatly clipped lawn. The walls of the house glow like the moon, faint and white. I feel like a stain just by being near it.

"Come on," Alex insists, stepping aside to let me walk in first. "She'll be nice."

Sure she will. Inhaling, we step inside, the scent of cheap alcohol and sweaty teenage bodies filling my nostrils. People dancing and colourful lights flash before my eyes. Already, I feel like my ears are bleeding - and that's only from the music. Everyone is shouting and singing.

We weave our way to the kitchen, which is scattered with bottles and empty cups.

"Alex," someone calls.

Both our heads turn towards the voice. Sadie's.

She walks over in her black mini dress. "You came," she says to Alex, her eyes then wandering to me.

For a moment, I think she'll say something snide. Instead, she ignores me as per usual and gestures to the 'drink bar'.

"You want a drink?" Sadie asks, though she already knows the answer.

Or would, if she knew Alex at all.

He shakes his head, sliding his hands into the pockets of his denim black jeans. "No, I'm good, thanks."

She rolls her eyes, her rich red lips pulling into a smirk. "Come on, you're no fun," she urges, tapping him on the shoulder.

He gives her an unamused look. "We'll have a soda each."

Her smile fades and she nods, turning to the bar.

Now's my chance. "Are you sure you're okay?" I ask him, staring into his typically topaz eyes, now darker than ever.

He barely looks at me, fixing the sleeves of his plain black button down jacket. "Yeah, I'm good."

I go to ask him more, but Sadie appears before us again.

Her teeth practically glisten, even in the dim light. "Here you go," she says, handing him a plastic red cup. She narrows her eyes as she hesitantly hands me the other.

I offer a slight smile. No surprise she doesn't return it.

"Thanks," Alex says, sniffing it before taking a sip.

Sadie smiles at him wider. "I wouldn't spike your drink, silly." She teases, giggling a little.

I take a sip of mine, the plastic crunching slightly. She doesn't even have an obnoxious, snorty giggle. It's actually cute and carefree - only she could pull it off.

Alex nods and forces a smile through gritted teeth. "Yeah, of course. Thanks." He says again, like he's trying to convince himself he means it.

Sadie's flawless face falters for a moment. "Is -"

"Sadie!" Someone shouts from the crowd - more of a squeal, really.

Her trimmed brows snap together, and she peeks over at the crowd. "I'll be right back." She promises, giving a slight smile.

It almost seems nervous. I frown at her as she goes. "That was odd." I remark, stepping to Alex's side.

His gaze follows mine before returning. "Yeah," he agrees, taking another mouthful of his drink. He shifts on his feet, eyes flickering over the crowd like he's looking for someone. He bends down slightly. "Can we talk? Upstairs or something?"

My heart quickens, whether that's because of him or the house full of loud, drunk teenagers. Either way, it's an escape - and he might tell me what's been bothering him since we headed over here. Maybe it's something to do with Sadie? "Yeah, of course." I reply, giving a nod for good measure.

Gripping his cup hard, he starts up the stairs. I follow him, grabbing onto the railing so I don't trip. That'd be embarrassing. The music and cheering fades away once we reach the top. Alex pauses in front of a room, and turns the knob to open it a little.

He quickly pulls it shut. "Nevermind that," he mumbles, his eyes widening a little. "We'll just go to the bathroom."

My frown only deepening, I follow him into the bathroom. "What was it?" But I can already guess.

"You don't want to know."

We go inside and shut the door. He leans against the sink, pursing his lips. I sit myself on the toilet - with the lid down obviously. I wait for him to start, because I know him - he'll say it when he's ready. The more I ask, the less likely I'll get an answer.

Alex folds his arms, the sound of the music pounding through the floor below us.

"I don't know," he says, finally, resting his fist underneath his chin, his elbow on his other arm. "There is nothing wrong, technically. I just... it doesn't feel right. For some reason."

I tilt my head. "How so?"

His bushy black brows furrow together. "I... I can't just say it," he stammers, his face contorting with more than just a frown. Like he's in pain. "It'll change everything. Or ruin it."

I want to reach out to him, touch his shoulder, give him a hug. Anything. But I know I can't. "You don't know that," I tell him, though in a gentle tone. The last thing I want to do is say something that'll make him clam back up. He gnaws on the inside of his cheek. "Tell me, you know you can." I urge, watching him patiently.

Carefully. As always.

He keeps his head bowed, lips forced shut. I hesitate before rising to my feet, and touching his shoulder, reassuringly, like I should. "I mean it," I say. "You can tell me anything. I'm not going anywhere, no matter what."

Alex squints his eyes, like whatever pain he's experiencing is unbearable. He places his hand on mine, and gives it a gentle squeeze. Finally, he looks up at me, and the blue in his eyes freezes over me like a glacier. He shifts upright, his face inches from mine, until it isn't.

I feel his lips press against my own, warm and soft, yet urgent. All of me seizes. "Alex -" I try to say, nudging his chest with my hand. He pauses, and pulls away slightly, frowning. "Alex, I can't, okay? I'm not -"

His entire face creases. "I'm sorry," he whispers, his voice strained. He straightens up and slips away from me. "I-I'm sorry."

And with that, he's out the door. Gone.