Games to the Mind ✔

Reflection Misconception

When I take a look inside the mirror

A monster’s reflection is what i see

Nothing looks how it is perceived

Every curve is only a reminder of who I  am not

My breast although seeming perfect to ones eye

Are nothing less than a  ball of fat on my chest

I cannot even tolerate the thought of such a mess

As I open my voice to speak

I am struggling to breathe

All of my insecurities are confining me

The air around me has me gagging in uncertainty

I feel like I can never be the person I feel underneath

I close my eyes and imagine a world

I wonder what it would be like to be born again

Not feminine and poised like I am but into the body of a man

I'm trapped in my thoughts wishing for a way out of this figure

Each day I hold a mask up to face, and these feelings grow stronger

I know I’m not who society claims me to be

Every glance just strengthens these thoughts

I want to speak out, tell the world how I feel

But these hands of misery close tightly around my throat

leaving me shaky and wide eyed with no way to communicate

I’m speechless and numb, not sure how much more I can tolerate

so I bask in the immense darkness of this  silence

I stay in secrecy, loathing all of who I have become

All i’m ever wanted was to fit in

But i’m  looked as an outsider, i’ve never been quite normal to the eye

My thoughts are twisted and confused.

I feel it sting every time I hear the word “girl’

After every word, the pronouns that people chose to ignore

it just begins to hurt a little bit more

And i am forcibly dragged back into a reality I hate

When will I be able to speak out from this pain, and be who I am?

That’s a question I may not know until it’s too late.