mending your heart [dreamnotfound]

chapter twelve

tw: graphic self harming references, death threats, body shaming, self image problems, intrusive thoughts. 

[a/n: this is set at about 5/5.30pm just as the last chapter confused people when i mentioned sapnap having lunch! also sorry this took a while to come out, i've been in genuine physical pain due to some health conditions and returning to college, aside from that enjoy!]

"go to him god damn it clay! if you think somethings wrong go!" sapnap said with no hesitation, because he knew that clay knew george like the back of his hand. 

clay sat there, his leg moving quickly. 

he had two thoughts. 

go to george and find him.

or stay seated and allow george to feel trusted alone. 

meanwhile george let the grip of his chocolate brown hair go, the urge was to strong to fight, tears streamed from his brown doe eyes, rushing down his fair skin as he opened the bottom bathroom drawer. 

multiple silver blades coming forward to the front of the draw, hitting the wood.

george stared, he felt guilty for doing this, but it was what people wanted him to do and it was what was needed for him right now, he picked a silver blade up, not a special one in particular and let the bathroom light shine on it. 

he hesitated for a short moment, but then as his mind began going back to his thoughts and the comments which clung to his memory. 

"little ugly skinny rat" one comment read

no one would car if you died, it would be peace for the whole world

everyone thinks you're attention seeking

your a whore

"just cut deeper, your gross anyways and its not as if anyone would care" another comment read

and that was when george stopped hesitating and threw his navy sweatshirt off to the side of the bathroom and holding the blade against his pale forearm, his hands shaking uncontrollably. 

he held it in the same place on his arm for a short moment, then pressing it in through his skin, not too far deep, but still deep enough to begin bleeding out quickly and cause him more pain than he'd felt when cutting before. 

"arrgh.." he whispered under his breath, tears continue to fall from his eyes. 

he had never felt cutting hurt this much before, had he gone too deep this time?

however, in his head, he was telling himself to not to care, the next thing george knew the glistening silver blade was gliding across from the left of his arm, to the right. 

as the cuts began to add up and the pain worsened, shooting up his arm. the pain became to much for him.

this causing george to kick his bathroom cabinet, things to fall off of the open shelving compartment. 

as multiple empty and full bottles hit the bathroom floor, he knew he had made too much noise to go about this without clay and sapnap from finding out. 

however in his head he did not care, he wanted all of this internal pain and shitty thoughts he felt to be gone for good this time, and if that meant causing more physical pain to himself then so it be.

as clay heard the sudden noises of bottles falling to the floor, he had no exact clue where the sudden noise had come from.

when the bottles hit the floor his heart hit immense amounts of worry, something was happening and he had to check on george before he did something stupid that would make clay regret not checking on him sooner.