Thinking Out Loud- Larry Stylinson

Louis

"Louis Tomlinson!!!", My brother calls me from downstairs.

"I have been calling you for ten minutes your breakfast is getting cold".

I sigh looking at myself in the mirror, my hair isn't cooperating at all today.

"I'm in here Andy, Im just doing my hair".

I look back at myself, my big blue eyes staring back at me. I wouldn't say I'm good looking at all, I'm quite average looking if you ask me. Most people would beg to differ but I’ve never really had any confidence.  Im 5ft 9 with an olive complexion. I have brown wispy hair that I keep at a length that reaches my ears. After having my son I have a few stretch marks still on my stomach and I hate looking at myself in the mirror. I’m also openly gay. I don’t try to hide it, it’s just who I am. It took me a while to come to terms with my sexuality but I would never change anything.  

I decide to give up on my hair and keep it in a fringe across my forehead. I walk out of my en suite and back into my bedroom. I find my brother Andy sitting on the end of my queen size bed. He's looking amusingly at the piles of clothes strewn around the room, from my attempt to find an appropriate outfit.

"Geez Louis, it looks like a tornado has been through here", he says smiling at me.

I have settled on my black skinny jeans, and a baby blue T-shirt.I've paired it with my black and white checkered Vans in my attempt to look classy.

I roll my eyes at him. 

"Andy, I have to look at least halfway decent today it's really important. I have to try to fit in and get along with the other school parents, they already don't like me".

Andy looks up at me from where he is sitting with a frown on his face.

"I know how much crap they give you kid, but it's a sixth birthday party.  How bad can it be?"

I sigh and sit next to him on the bed he shifts so he is facing me

"This isn't just any party Andy, all the parents from Aston's class will be there.  They have their little click group, they all stand in the corner judging me and hating me.  I've heard what they say about me. 'I don't know how he can afford this school', 'Poor Aston only has one parent because of him' and the worst one, 'Those teenage parents are what is wrong with society'.

 

I finish, tears fill my eyes as I look up at Andy.

 Andy is my older brother by 4 years making him 25.  He is the best brother I could have ever asked for. When I was 15 everything in my life turned upside down, I lived in Doncaster and had a best friend named Ben.  He was two years older than me but we were so close. I was bullied a lot at school and he was always there to protect me and help me through. One night Ben asked me to a party, I wasn't into the party scene and I wasn't popular so I didn't understand why he wanted me to go.  In the end he convinced me. That night was the worst night of my life. It's a dark past that I don't like to revisit very often, I still get nightmares about it. The one positive that came from my past was Aston my son. I found out I was pregnant four weeks after the party. When my parents found out what happened that night and that I was pregnant, they said I had disgraced the family, that I was useless and that I would never amount to anything. Andy and his now husband Zayn (yes, Andy is gay too) were living in London at the time. They were both back for a visit when it all happened and when my parents threw me out they took me in, both deciding to bring me to London to be with them.