The Aberrations of S.I.D.E.

No. 14: Shit's Getting Serious

"Can I just say, for the record, it's weird watching Remus act straight," Virgil said. "I mean, watching any of you pretend to be straight is weird, but with Remus it's, like... double weird."

"You haven't seen either of the twins at their parents' house," Logan told him. "Especially Roman. It's almost unfair how good he is at faking straight."

Virgil gave him a curious look. "Really? How come?"

"Well, if I'm being perfectly honest, I give him tips. The majority of my crushes and my current partner may be males, but I am still bisexual, so I know what it's like to have feelings for the opposite sex."

"Is it any different than having feelings for dudes?"

Logan paused, then shook his head. "They're more terrifying, really. And I get just as tongue-tied, so Roman doesn't really listen to my tips."

"This group really needs a straight guy," Virgil muttered.

"We certainly do not. I'm attracted to women twenty percent of the time, that should be enough."

Patton rushed in and gave Logan a kiss on the forehead. "Sorry I'm late, went to grab us some donuts from the bake sale. Did I miss anything?"

"Your boyfriend was just telling me that he's the personification of a disaster bi," Virgil informed him.

"Huh. Didn't know that was news." Patton sat next to Logan. "Want a donut?"

"Yes, please."

Virgil turned his attention back to the stage, where Janus was strumming his guitar and singing a dance-y song... while wearing a jester's cap. Which was something that he'd apparently "borrowed" from the costume vault, just so he could get more in character.

"Oh, mistress mine, where are you roaming? / Oh, stay and hear, your true love's coming / That can sing both high and low," Janus sang. "Trip no further, pretty sweeting / Journeys end in lovers meeting / Every wise man's son doth know..."

"Excellent good!" Ricky declared, holding up his water bottle like it was a wineglass.

Remus nodded sagely. "Good, good."

Janus grinned and continued playing. "What is love---"

"BABY DON'T HURT ME NO MOOOOOOOOOOOORE!" half of the auditorium (Remus and Ricky included) belted.

"Cut," Larry sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose.

"What?" Ricky exclaimed. "You can't fill a room full of Gen Z kids, have someone sing that, and then not expect us to do the thing!"

"That's the exact reason why I almost decided to not do this play, Ricky."

Remus gasped. "Larry!'

"You know what, I don't care," Larry decided. "Skip the rest of the song for this scene. Janus, you're still working on the melody, right?"

"Yes, it's still a work in progress," Janus answered, leaning against his guitar. "What I just played isn't definite---I was considering a more bluesy tune, if I'm being honest. I'm thinking Nina Simone meets Cole Porter, with a tiny bit of classic Gershwin thrown in there---"

"Bore me with the details later, Feste," Larry interrupted. "I need you to be the life of the party your friends are throwing right now. Sir Andrew, start from 'a mellifluous voice.' Action."

Ricky slipped back into character, fanning his face. "A mellifluous voice, as I am true knight!"

"But shall we make the welkin dance indeed?" Remus announced, standing up. "Shall we rouse the night-owl in a catch that will draw three souls out of one weaver? Shall we do that?"