The Aberrations of S.I.D.E.

No. 38: Email Warning

"Good morning, everyone, please take a seat," Dr. Meyers announced as she walked into class. "Raise your hands if you're ready for more biology today!"

Logan, who'd already taken out his notebook and was practically vibrating with excitement, waved his hand around.

"Okay, anyone besides Logan?"

A couple more people raised their hands, Virgil included. He'd admittedly never done well in science classes, but he did like Biology, and Dr. Meyers' enthusiasm about the subject wore off on you eventually.

"Good to know that my lessons aren't entirely lost on you!" She opened up the little holographic projector. "Let's kick things off with our organism of the day—"

"Yeah, I wanna know what the orgasm of the day is!" Remus called from the back of the classroom.

Dr. Meyers pointed at him. "I appreciate your enthusiasm, Remus, but that joke was old the fifth time you said it."

"Eh, I try."

Janus slid into the seat next to Virgil, giving him a smile. "Whatcha wanna bet that Remus is finally gonna make the doctor snap today?"

Virgil stared at him. "Uh... zero, because Dr. Meyers is incapable of snapping, and more to the point, why are you talking in an old-timey American accent?"

"Oh, it ain't obvious?" Janus said casually, twirling his finger in the air. "Thought ya woulda guessed by now. You're a pretty sharp kid, after all."

"I—"
"Psst." Roman tapped him on the shoulder. "Cast list went up today."

A grin stretched across Virgil's face. "Ohhhhhh, you got the part, didn't you?"

Janus nodded smugly. "Mmm-hmm."

"And you're practicing your voice?"

"Mmm-hmm."

"And you're going to try and do it for as long as possible so you're not completely suffering from laryngitis at the end of every single performance and have to get Patton to fix your vocal chords? Like what happened during Anything Goes?"

Janus's face went bright red. "Now, look here—"

Virgil turned to Roman. "How long do you give it before he loses his voice today?"

"Um... two hours," Roman guessed. "Maybe three."

"You kidding? If he keeps this up, his voice'll be broken by French." Virgil let out a laugh. "Oh, this is a dream. Janus being silent for more than five minutes!"

"First of all, I can still talk fine, and second of all, just 'cause I might lose my voice towards the end of the day doesn't mean I can't hear ya idiots," Janus snapped.

"Well, it'll be a real pleasure working with you again," Roman said, clapping Janus on the shoulder. "And you'll be doing this with your little sister!"

Virgil gasped. "Wait, you mean—"

"Persephone got Velma! And Pam got Rosie! And I got Amos!" Roman paused. "Huh. Guess I'm going to have to get to know Pam a little better so it won't be awkward."

"She's gayer than you. You'll be fine." Virgil looked over his shoulder at Remus, who was currently balancing a pencil on his nose. "What'd he get?"

"He got Mary Sunshine, just like he wanted."

"Huh. Good for him."

A harried-looking Remy opened the door. "Yo, Meyers?"