Vents, rants, and things I just need to get out

Umm...

Heyyy, remember how a few chapters ago I made a part freaking out because I thought I had a crush on someone? I titled the chapter fuckfuckfuck? Yeah now I don't even know if that crush was real! Good job, Bee!

But seriously, I was at the time convinced that I liked them, but now I have absolutely no clue, I don't even know what romantic attraction is supposed to feel like!

I use the label grayromantic right now, meaning I might only feel romantic attraction once or twice in my life, but now I don't even know if I'm aromantic.

I mean, before, I really thought I wanted to have a relationship, get married, all that stuff, but now I don't know. As time goes on, I feel like it's getting harder and harder to see myself with someone. I thought I wanted all that stuff, but now I don't know anymore.

Before, I thought the idea of getting married was great, I even had a wedding Pinterest board and thought of my wedding song, but now I have no idea if I even want that!

It's just, everything's just so confusing. I feel like whenever I convince myself a I have a 'crush,' it usually turns out to be fake and I just don't feel that way about them. The person I talked about it the one chapter, I don't think I even ever liked them, I just convinced myself I did.

Well, I just needed to tell someone/people, so thanks for listening <3

I'm off to do some research and finish my lunch (I'm at school and my lunch is at 10am)

Love you all ❤️