Vents, rants, and things I just need to get out

Why Im scared to date

Trigger warning: implies rape/sexual assault, mentions fear of abusive relationship, sex, things like fear of being left, fear of being forced to do things without consent, stuff like that

Also, none of you have to read this, this is just a place I feel most comfortable putting my thoughts

Okay, so if anyone hasn't read my bio or just doesn't know in general, I identify as asexual (and I think demiromantic, still questioning) and I am absolutely terrified to start dating.

I mean, my ideal relationship would be with someone who I love and who accepts me for who I am and doesn't force me to do anything I am not comfortable with. I want someone who doesn't need sex in a relationship, someone who understands me.
But I'm fucking scared. There are bad people out there and I don't want to get caught with them.

First of all, I'm scared that someone's gonna leave me.

Now, I don't think I'm alone with this fear, there's gotta be more people out there who fear that once they come out to whoever they're dating they're gonna leave you.

I mean, how sad would it be if someone left you because of who you were. I'm sure that there's gonna be at least one person who leaves me for someone who isn't sex-repulsed, but it's just sad. There are people out there who aren't going to date me because they can't have a relationship without sex.

Another thing that terrifies me is the thought of having to be forced to do anything I don't want to do.

Like I said, there's a lot of bad people out there who do bad things and I don't really want to get into it or say anything really triggering, but I'm afraid that I'll meet someone and they'll force me to do things without my consent.

Lastly, Im scared I'll end up dating someone abusive and get trapped.

I have this scenario in the back of my head that I find someone I like (when I'm older obviously) they'll want to have sex with me and when I explain I'm asexual and don't feel comfortable with that, they'll show their abusive side.

So yeah, there was my rant/my terrifying thoughts for the day.