Inbetween

11 - Falling of the Deep End

Leo's P.O.V.:

And we were back at it. Back at ignoring each other, chitchatting every once and then, but I didn't mind.
Not that I gave a crap. But I'm not going to lie, I'm not that type of guy who holds a grudge. What I'm trying to say is that it got kind of lonely. Not like I wasn't used to being alone, but still. Somewhere deep within I was excited about getting to know my family. It's been this way for a very long time.

I don't know how I managed to open the lock, but I ended up in some kind of balcony/roof. I would've never thought that there would be a balcony in the Institute.
I sat down on the rooftop's edge and watched how the sun was disappearing behind the horizon thinking back to the time Nicky and I used to watch the sunset.
Nostalgically I pulled out the daggers and stared at my mirror image. The silvery weapon shone even more in the orange almost pink sunlight.
Nicky probably would've told me to smile since apparently my smile was so beautiful. His words, not mine.

Jace forced the rusty metal door open.
"If you're looking for your hair conditioner, Alec took it", I said sarcastically.
"Ha, Ha. So funny. I didn't know you were here. I'm just going to go now. I don't want to bother you or something", he replied dryly.
"Not like you already did", I said messing with him.
"Ok, ok. I got it. I'll leave you to your depri-teen problem session", Jace then added and rolled his eyes.
"I'm joking. C'mon, you didn't take it personally, did you, Jace?"
"No, but the other three did yesterday", he responded with a sharp attitude.
He walked towards me and sit down next to me.

"I'm sorry I exploded yesterday, but I was so full of that crap. People have been telling me the same stuff over and over my whole life", I said gesturing with my hands.
"It's okay. The thing is that you can't expect them to understand how you are feeling when you don't open up to them at all", he replied.
"Don't trust anyone, but yourself?", I said trying to convince both him and myself.
"Oh, you can't tell me there is no one you ever trusted. There is someone right?".
"How do you know?", I said accusingly.
"I can tell", he replied.
"Let me guess, you found the sketchbook".
"Who says it isn't MY sketchbook?", I asked even more accusingly.
"Oh, c'mon your siblings can't draw either. Tell me who is it?", he said, but I was busy imagining Isabelle and Alec trying to figure out how to use a paint brush.
"His name is Nicky", I eventually replied.
"So? Where is your "Nicky"?".
"His parents took him back to France. He probably has already forgotten about me", I replied standing up and walking up and down the rooftop's edge acting like it was a tightrope and spreading my arms.

We were talking until late. New York's beauty at night was unbelievable. Talking to Jace was a relief and made me feel better.
"You should forgive Alec. He was an immaculate brother to me for the past years. If you let him in, you won't regret it. Oh and Isabelle gives the best fashion advice so, do what you've got to do", he then said without taking his eyes off Liberty Island.
An alarm went off and let a screeching sound out.
"What is that?", I screamed to be louder than the alarm.
"There are demons in the Institute. Go to your room and lock the door, Alec, Izzy, Clary and I will take care of it. Be prepared to fight and don't you dare come out of your room", he said and ran down the stairs towards the library.
I couldn't just hide, I couldn't just let them down.

I took my daggers and ran towards the library as well. The power went out. Even though we were under attack, there was a cold and scary silence.
I got even more afraid. Did something happen to the others? A headache was killing me all of a sudden. Something was off. Not knowing were I was going I took out my witchlight. The witchlight was the only source of light available. I heard a screeching horrible sound like metal on glass.
"Jace? Alec? Someone there?", I asked.
No answer. It was like I was all alone in the Institute with an unknown creature. A cold breeze sent a shiver down my spine.
The demon was close.
No, the witchlight wasn't my only source of light. My daggers reflected the light and shone right into my face. In the daggers I saw the reflection of something. Something awful and dangerous. There was a monster hanging down from the cealing.
It had long claws made of some metal as black as a raven. Saliva was dropping from it's sharp white teeth. I looked the monster straight in the eyes which were even darker than it's claws. When I turned around to face the monster, it disappeared. Was I imagining stuff? I was sure there was something. Insecurely I turned around and there he stood.
Nicolás Jean-Jaques Baudelaire.

"N-Nicky?", I said my voice shaking.
There wasn't this shiny caring look in his eyes anymore. Only a cold icy look was left.
He didn't smile either. But it had to be him, right?
I ran towards him and hugged him tightly, but he pushed me aside.
"Nicky?", I asked again more desperately.
"I don't even know what I saw in you anymore. You are just this little, perfid, selfish brat. Now I see it clearly. I can see the fear in your eyes. It's disgusting. You are as weak as you were on that hill more than a year ago. I never loved you. No one loves and will ever love you, Leo Lightwood. Remember that", he said. My throat was closing up making it almost impossible to breathe and I was beginning to sob. There was this feeling forming in my chest. It was piercing pain and went through my heart.
"N-Nicky?", I said once more, my voice shaking like it never had before and hoping for him to tell me this was all a joke and that he loved and cared about me. But he didn't. I tried to reach for him but he just slapped me over my face. The scenario changed and standing before me was my mom.

"L-Leo?", she whispered.
She began to cry and always repeated the same words:
"It's all your fault".
I wasn't feeling that piercing pain anymore. I just felt nothing. But still thick, salty tears ran down my cheeks.
Then all of a sudden she began screaming.
Her throat began bleeding and a cut just below her adam's apple showed.
She didn't cry or scream anymore. She got very serious and stared at me. Her stare pierced right through me and kind of scanned me.
"It's all your fault, you weak human", she said and began laughing full lungs before disintegrating into dust. Everything was back to normal. The power was there Jace, Clary, Isabelle and Alec were there. I was standing but not for long. Alec caught me and for some time I just laid there in Alec's arms tears running down both by cheeks.

Everyone kept saying: "Everything is alright. You are fine. It's all over now".
But I kept seeing the same images in my mind.
"P-please don't leave", I said, just like I did that day on the hill in Idris, before closing my eyes and everything went black.

But it wasn't over, it never stopped.

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Authors' note:
How y'all doin?
I'm super proud of how this chapter became.
I'm so happy I'm finally finished haha.
Let us know what you think about it in the comments :D
bye, and until next time, luvs <3