infatuation

V

[ chapter 5 ]

september 3
4:00 p.m
boca raton, florida

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Dinner went .. surprisingly well. The conversation flowed naturally and the atmosphere was light and comfortable. Gigi seemed really nice and welcoming; accepting - which is a perfect fit for Zayn's dumbass. Brandon.. I'm still not too sure on him. When we were leaving, Zayn and I both spoke briefly about how we felt about him. I mean, Billie was already calling him "Q" or some shit.

He didn't really do anything, and he barely talked. He would just have a silent conversation with Billie through quick glances or 'longing' stares. It seemed iffy, like his intentions were off and didn't match whatever the fuck was going through the poor 16 year old girl's head. Ain't he like - 20? First off, that's gross. Second off, what's he doin' in public high school? Anyways,

Ariana.

We didn't share much conversation between each other. But I'd be naïve and stupid to say there wasn't something there. Just in the air between us every time our eyes connected or we caught one or the other already staring at them. I don't know how to feel about it, but honestly I think I like it. I mean, if I didn't, I wouldn't have her on my mind all day.

And after all that, I certainly wouldn't have her beside me at my soundboard, laughing to a joke I made about the stupid project.

"So, when do you wanna talk about.. you know.." She trailed off, causing the air to tense. My jaw clenches and my breath hitches.

am i ready?

I guess it's time to face it.

"Uh," I sigh. My anxiety gets the best of me, as I end up dropping the lyric book. We both bend down to get it, my hand lands on it first and hers lands on top of mine. We lock eyes, our faces only a few inches away from each other.

"Y/n, I know this is a-" I had to cut her off. I didn't want any soft, pity shit.

"Stop, Ariana. I don't want a sugarcoat. If we're gonna talk about this, we're gonna be straight up." She sighed and nodded. We both slowly sat back up, the lyric book back in my lap.

I took a deep breath and initiated the talk I'd been dreading since it happened.

"Honestly, I don't know what to say or what you want me to say. Do you want me to open up? Do you want me to listen?" I was just rambling at this point, so I stopped.

"Let me start then. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the pain I caused Mac and then the pain I caused you. But, I'm just asking you to put yourself in my shoes - just for a second. As we both know, Mac was an addict. The day I met him, I had no idea.

I'd never been around that kind of shit. I didn't know what it's like, how he would be when he was on it. Hell, I didn't even know he was until 3 months in. He hid it well, and when I did find out .. I tried to save him. Change him." She stopped and took a deep breath. I could tell she was getting choked up.

"I-I did all I could to get him to stop. I even forcibly signed him to a rehab; which probably wasn't the best idea. It never worked, and over time I noticed him out more. Spent less time with me and more with his plug and the rest of his 'friends' that supported his bad behavior. Encouraged it." I remembered this.

I remembered us talking about it over the phone. From 8 PM to 3 AM. We always had conversations like that. We'd stay up all night simply talking. She told me what was going on and we worked together to try and help him.

"Of course, I know you know this. But at one point, I had enough. I couldn't take the pain of knowing there was nothing I could do to stop it and he was slowly slipping away from me. I was holding onto nothing. I couldn't put myself through that." I nodded, trying to show her comfort as I was practically frozen in my seat.

She wasn't wrong. I couldn't blame her. I wouldn't want to put myself through that either.

"With the way he was acting, I thought he wouldn't care. I didn't think for a second that he would do .. that. Maybe that's selfish of me - I don't know." She sighed and looked down, fidgeting with her fingers anxiously.

"So I ended it, and I was heartbroken. But I wouldn't let myself get played. I thought I was protecting my heart ... but." She sniffled. I couldn't help the frown that etched across my lips.

"It ended up breaking bad anyways." And that was the end of it. She broke down and covered her face with her palms. I sighed quietly and took the lyric book out of my lap.

I leaned forward and gently wrapped my arms around her, softly pulling her over to my chair. She didn't resist and instead almost melted in my arms. I sat with her sitting on my right leg and leaning onto my chest.

I held her tighter as she sobbed. When she finally managed to calm down, I soothingly rubbed her back until she was ready to speak up again.

"I'm so sorry Y/n." Her heartbroken state only worsened my guilt for treating her so shitty. This really put everything in perspective for me. It wasn't her fault.

"It wasn't your fault, Ariana. I'm sorry I've treated you like it was before getting your side. I forgive you, and we can get through this together. From now on." I smiled lightly to try and cheer her up.

She looked at me and smiled back, though her mascara was running down her cheeks and she looked completely heartbroken. She still looked beautiful.

"I forgive you too. I understand, anyways." She shrugged, wiping away her tears and sniffling.

"Look, Mac was a good dude. He had issues but he meant the best. All the time. We've been through .. a lot together. He never meant to hurt anybody. But, like I said he had issues. His priorities were a little fucked up - but trust me he loved you.

With all his heart. He only wanted to see you happy. He knew he had problems. He was head over heels but if you needed to leave he wouldn't be mad at you. So don't think what happened is your fault. It's not." She nodded. She had always been a good listener.

"I love you as well, Ari. I do. You've always been a great friend to me. I always told Mac 'you better not fuck up, that girl is it for you' but I guess he couldn't keep his head on straight." I shrug, trying my best to hold my own tears back.

"I love you too, Y/nn." There it was, the first genuine smile I got from her for a long, long time. My breath hitched without my consent and I mentally cursed at myself. I was blown away - I couldn't even get any words out.

"Um, anything else we need to say about this?" She asked shyly, looking down again.

I debated on telling her about what happened like 5-6 years ago. Would it really be a good idea though? Already? Nah.

"No, I think we've got it all off our chest. You wanna work on the project now?" I asked, as she smiled again and nodded.

That's probably when she realized she was still sitting in my lap, almost straddling me. She flushed, a crimson color coating her cheeks and nose. I chuckled as she hurriedly got up and sat back down on the office chair beside me.

"Alright, we start with lyrics it is."

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im double updating mfsss. thank you for the support! much love, A