Chapter 19

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"Fuck. Do that again" Austin breathed as he placed a sloppy kiss just below Jullian's jaw. Jullian listened and a loud moan escaped Austin's lips when Jullian his a sensitive spot once again.

"Will you be quiet?" Jullian snapped as he quickly pressed his hand to Austin's lips to muffle the sound. Austin bit back a laugh before licking Jullian's fingers so he'd yank his hand away. "What the fuck, Austin? Gross"

"You don't get to say that when your dick is up my ass" Austin deadpanned. Jullian rolled his eyes and captured the boy's lips in another passionate kiss. Austin moaned again as Jullian's tongue explored his mouth and Austin found his fingers gripping onto the ends of Jullian's hair as Jullian began to move again. His head fell back in his breathing quickened. Jullian's lips moved down Austin's neck, not bothering where he left his mark as long as Austin felt good.

Austin wrapped his legs around Jullian hoping it would pull him closer, deeper. Hoping it would pull him over the edge. Breathless moans and pants filled the room and Austin's nails dug into Jullian's back. The two boys would occasionally curse or whisper something in the other's ear but they never called out the other's name. It felt too personal.

Austin came first, cum decorated his stomach and his moans filled the air, this time Jullian didn't try and shut him up. And not long after, Jullian let out one last moan against Austin's neck before he reached his climax. He road out his high before pulling away completely and disposing of the condom in his trash. He laid on the bed next to Austin and took a minute to catch his breath.

"Fucking hell, Austin... You're amazing" Austin's eyebrows shot up surprised and he pressed his lips in a thin line. Any excitement or pleasure he felt just moments before quickly diminishing the moment Jullian opened his mouth.

"I'm aware" Austin scoffed. He reached for Jullian's shirt and quickly cleaned himself off. He wanted to leave. He needed to leave before he got caught up in a conversation. Before things got personal and Jullian wanted more. Because even if he wanted to, Austin knew he could never satisfy someone who wanted more than this... He could do the sex part of the relationship. He could amaze people in the bedroom with his experience and it didn't hurt that he was very flexible from years of dance. But emotions were different... He knew from experience that he couldn't form emotional bonds with people if he tried.

He knew lust. He knew passion. He knew freedom. He could look at someone and decide what he wanted them to do to him. He could spot someone in a crowd and decide that he wanted them. But no matter what he tried he could never love them. He could never allow himself to get close or for them to be the first thing he thought of when he woke up.

He wanted to... God, he really wanted to. He wanted more... He wanted to wake up next to someone familiar. He wanted to go on real dates where the only thing on their minds was the best way to undress one another. He wanted that white-picket-fence life he always dreamed about. But it wasn't going to happen. It never did and it never would. He couldn't even remember having a crush he was genuinely interested in beyond fucking.

"Why are you so tense?" Jullian blindly asked as his eyes trailed up the boy's toned body lustfully.

"Why do you care?" Austin shot back without a moment's hesitation. Jullian stared at the boy surprised for a few moments as he watched him search around for his clothes and tug them on a little too quickly.

"I don't"

"Good, let's keep it that way" Austin decided. And just like that, he left. But he couldn't avoid the sinking and sickening feeling in his heart.

_________________________________________

"I don't want Summer to end" Beau sighed as he leaned up against one of the large rocks in the water. His copper hair looked brown since it was wet and seemed to cling to his skin. His gentle blue eyes were locked on Lukas as he casually floated on his back in a place where the current wasn't too strong.

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