The Halls of Westwood [BxB]

Chapter 32

Waking up in somebody else's arms was a new and foreign feeling to Austin. Being in somebody else's arms was still something he was getting used to... His heart ached as he admired how peaceful Jullian was in his sleep. How gentle and unbothered he was... How unfiltered his emotions were.

His fingers lightly traced the boy's jaw, his heart slamming in his chest at the smallest brush of skin on skin. His lips begged for just a kiss. His body ached to be held a little closer, to be touched and held. He wasn't sure how he felt about that feeling... He hated knowing how much control Jullian had over his moods and his emotions... He sometimes debated whether that vulnerability was worth Jullian's gentle touch or laughter. But he could never bring himself to leave... Not anymore.

"I love you" Jullian's lips lightly mumbled, still half asleep. Austin's heart clenched and his stomach turned. He never knew what to say to that. He lied all of the time, sure... But love was the one thing he could never bring himself to lie about. He didn't know why... He wanted to say it back. He wanted to see Jullian smile in relief but for some reason, he couldn't. He wasn't sure if it would even be a lie...

"Okay" Austin forced out the word knowing very well that it would disappoint Jullian. He just couldn't bring himself to say what Jullian needed to hear... Because then it would make everything real... So instead he placed a chaste kiss on Jullian's lips and hoped that would do.

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Jullian loved Austin. Austin didn't love Jullian - at least not openly. That was enough to drive Jullian crazy... He questioned everything from what he was doing wrong to why Austin was the way he was. But it turned out, even if Jullian was observative like Austin, he wasn't as good at reading people or breaking them down. So he was completely lost.

"So you figured out your dad is dead and you aren't even phased?" Jullian deadpanned.

"Killed in a prison riot" Austin hummed as he shrugged off his uniform and replaced it with a cropped hoodie and cotton shorts. "I hope it hurt"

"I knew you didn't like him but I didn't know it was that bad" Jullian sighed. He laid back on Austin's bed silently wondering if Mark Blake was really an awful person or if Austin just didn't care. Sometimes he wondered if Austin even cared about him... Deep down he knew he did but it felt as if he had to remind himself. Austin's face fell and his lips pressed together in a thin line.

"The man convinced me I was a heartless, psychotic monster" Austin deadpanned. "There was nothing good about our relationship... I'm sure you have cute memories of family days at the park or having someone to check under your bed for monsters and all of that shit that makes you still want to see your parents... But there wasn't anything like that between me and Mark"

"You don't have one good memory of him?" Jullian asked in disbelief. Austin hesitated for was silent for a few long moments.

"Blow pops" Austin decided after a long pause. "He always got me blow pops whenever he'd rob a gas station... But that was it"

"Where was your stepmom in all of this? Heck, where was your mom in all of this?" Jullian asked as he sat back up. Austin shrugged and sat down beside Jullian as if everything that came out of his mouth didn't sound traumatic.

"What kind of person wants to sit around and mother their husband's bastard from an affair?" Austin scoffed. "She gave me the necessities, but never more than necessary. As for my mother, she was some stripper my dad cheated with. He didn't even get her real name. Had me on the back of her car, dropped me off with Mark, never spoke to me again... I assume she looked a lot like me though considering I look nothing like Mark"