When Heaven Smiled

32

Chapter 32
Grace

Siguro may mga panalangin talaga tayong matagal bago dinggin ng Maykapal. Kung kailan pakiramdam mo hindi mo na kailangan, doon niya ibibigay.

Maraming nangyari sa loob ng apat na taon.

Maraming nawala at marami ring nagbago.

I lost my family.

I lost my mother.

I lost my lover, Maxon.

My friend Genesis ran away and did not even bother to say goodbye.

They all had their reasons why they left. But they all refused to give me an explanation. But I can't blame them, they were taken away from me too early.

I left our church for good. Natatakot ako madikitan ng kung sino sa kanila. I was afraid that because of too much respect, they would take advantage of me.

At first, I had no idea how to cope with those losses. Putting myself back into pieces wasn't as easy as I thought. It required a lot of work and acceptance.

Healing is a long process and it shouldn't be rushed. You heal at your own pace. You run your own race.

May mga pagkakataong hindi ko maiwasang ikumpara ang sarili ko sa mga narating ng mga ka-edad ko. Ang iba sa kanila ay successful at masaya na sa mga tinatahak nilang landas.

But after what happened, I constantly reminded myself that it's okay. While everyone is thriving, I was busy surviving. I told myself nothing could break me again. Not my family, not my ex-boyfriend, not anyone else. Years of repairing myself isn't a joke.

I let Maxon in our house to avoid another drama. Nanlalaki pa ang mga mata ni Manang at ni Kristoff na kakatapos lang kumain.

Nabigla siguro sila dahil ang alam nila ay ilang araw na ako gumagawa ng rason para lang maitaboy siya. But, I just want this to be over. Para sa susunod, hindi ko na siya makita.

Nagmadali sila sa pagliligpit ng lamesa. Si Manang ay hindi talaga makapaniwala at kumurap pa ng dalawang beses. Si Kristoff pa ang nag-alalay sa kanya papunta sa kwarto niya dahil hindi pa siya natauhan.

"What do you need?" I asked Maxon. I placed the coffee I made at the table. Kinuha naman niya iyon at nagpasalamat sa akin. Parang hindi siya mapakali at hindi niya ako matignan.

"You." He simply answered. His eyes were too dark and serious but they seemed to be lonely.

I paused for a moment when I remembered the familiar feeling. Naalala ko bigla ang naka-uniform na Maxon hawak hawak ang camera niya at kinukulit ako sa labas ng library. I hope he just stayed that way. Dapat hindi na lang siya nagbago. Hindi sana kami umabot dito.

I scoffed when I finally got over it, "Of course I know that you need me. Kaya ka nga narito 'di ba?"

Hindi na siya sumagot. Mukhang nahihirapan sa kung ano pa mang sasabihin.

"Mr. Sandoval, I don't like wasting time," I said in a formal tone. I'm sure he isn't here just because he wants to. "Tell me what you want."

"You and your time." Hindi na niya dinugtungan ang sasabihin. He couldn't even look straight into my eyes.

Bakit Maxon? Nahihiya ka ba? Dapat lang.

"Hmm, I think no woman would be glad to know that their husband is visiting and bothering his ex-girlfriend." I pursed my lips, "You're a married man, so you shouldn't be here in the first place." I explained calmly.

"Not anymore," he rested his hands on the table and intertwined them.

"Oh, sorry about that." I played with my fingers.