When Heaven Smiled

28

Chapter 28
Farewells

Elmo drove me to Maxon's condo. I badly need to talk to him. He should answer all of my questions. Mababaliw na 'ko kakaisip, ang dami ko ng hindi alam. Ang dami niya nang tinatago at hindi sinasabi sa akin. If this continues, I might actually lose myself already.

I called him multiple times, but he didn't answer. Puro voice mail. Nagsisimula na ako mairita. Hindi ko alam kung ano nga ba ang nangingibabaw sa puso ko ngayon? Kasi hinahanapan ko pa rin siya ng posibleng dahilan sa isip ko kung bakit hindi niya masagot ang mga tawag ko.

When I noticed that we were almost there, I practiced in my mind everything that I wanted to say. Ayaw ko magkamali sa mga sasabihin sa kanya.

Pakiramdam ko kasi... sobrang lapit niya na akong bitawan.

Ayoko. Hindi pa ako handa na mangyari iyon. Marami pa kaming mga plano na hindi pa nagagawa at mga pangarap na hindi pa natutupad. Hindi ko alam kung anong mangyayari sa akin kapag iniwan niya na ako. I feel like I do not own myself anymore. I've been committed to him for years.

"He's not leaving me... right?" sinubukan kong tanungin si Elmo.

Gusto ko lang na may sumagot na hindi niya ako iiwan. I also forced myself to smile because this badly hurts. I know it was stupid to ask him because he's not Maxon, he's not the one who's leaving me.

"Huy, 'wag mong sabihin 'yan." he tried to console me.

"I mean—I just want to ask because I don't want to look stupid in front of him later you know." I bit my lower lip. Ilang segundo na lang ay iiyak na naman ata ako.

"Tara na nga Alice, para 'di ka na nag-iisip ng kung ano ano." he scratched the back of his head. Pinagbuksan niya ako ng pinto. "Hindi ka iiwan no'n, mahal ka no'n e." he sounded so positive that he actually made me believe it. He even cheered me before I went inside of the elevator.

I mentally prayed while looking at the number of floors.

Lord, please don't erase him in my life. In this book, please let him be mine.

I took a deep breath before knocking on his door. He opened it after a few seconds of waiting. His lips parted with the mere sight of me.

He opened the door wider to give me some space to come in. Pumasok na agad ako kahit hindi man lang siya bumati.

"You promised you'd call and update me," I said coldly. Tinalikuran niya ako at pumunta sa study table niya. "Umalis ka na raw sa Apollo?" I accused him as if it was some crime that he did not tell me.

Padabog kong ibinaba ang bag ko sa sofa. Napalingon siya sa akin kahit malayo ng kaunti ang distansya namin. Nakaupo na siya at namataan ko ang maraming nakakalat na papel doon.

Hindi na niya ako pinapansin ilang araw na, kahit sa text man lang wala. I just let him be because I wanted him to take his time. But he's not telling me things already which makes me more concerned and feel unwanted.

I went near him when he didn't respond.

"Elmo told me that you're also failing in class, ano pa ang hindi ko alam? Huh?"

Hindi niya pa rin ako pinapansin kaya kinuha ko mula sa kanya ang ballpen na ginagamit niya pangsulat. Sinamaan niya ako ng tingin.

"Huwag ngayon, pagod ako." Tinakpan niya ang mukha niya gamit ang palad at sandaling bumuntong-hinga.

"Ako rin, pagod..." I finally admitted it. "But God! You've been tired for a month already! Mag-usap na tayo ngayon Maxon!" I could feel tears on the corners of my eyes. I constantly reminded myself not to cry. Gusto ko nang takpan ang bibig ko.