Chapter 33

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"So how's it going with that girl you like?" you asked Kuroo's nephew, Zen, as Kuroo made lunch for you all. It was a few weeks after your honeymoon and Zen was over for help with a school project. He was almost 18 and a senior in high school.

"She likes me but," he paused. "I don't really know how to ask her out. I don't want to do it over text but I have no idea how to ask in person."

"At the park."

"Car."

You and Kuroo looked at each other with your conflicting suggestions.

"Why would you ask in a car? That's the least romantic place of them all!" you argued with him.

"So she can't leave and say no, obviously! Why would you ask in a park. That's so cliché!" he argued back.

"Why are you talking about clich—"

"How did Kuroo ask you out, Aunt Y/N?" Zen interrupted your arguing.

"How did he ask me out?" Zen nodded.

"I didn't ask. I just told her we'd be going on a date to get her out of a sticky situation," Kuroo replied.

"Don't you dare do that to your girl. You better ask," you told Zen. "I still don't know Kuroo's method even worked."

The three of you talked for the rest of the day. Zen left after dinner, leaving you and Kuroo in the kitchen alone.

"You give really bad relationship advice you know. You better not tell our kids that stuff," you told your husband.

"Me? I think you're talking about yourself," he huffed. "Wait—did you say our kids? You want some?"

"I might not be as clear about it as you but yeah. I'd like some, maybe—"

"Three," Kuroo interrupted.

"No, four! I don't like odd numbers, one of them will feel left out."

"Why not two?"

"You said you wanted a big family, right? So do I." Kuroo walked over to you, excited.

"Alright. When?"

"When what?"

"When do you want to start a family?"

"When? I guess whenever. I kinda have baby fever right n—" Kuroo interrupted you with a kiss and trailed his hands below your shirt. "Wait, what are you—"

"Let's get to it then," he whispered in your ear.



And so from that day the waiting began. Pregnancy test after pregnancy test, months followed by months, but no luck. You'd visited three different doctors, each of whom told you it'd be difficult to get pregnant but not impossible. So you two kept trying. Just as things got discouraging, you hit the jackpot: a positive test.

Soon after you learned you'd be having twins, a girl and a boy. When Kuroo wasn't trying to ease your morning sickness he was busy decorating the twins nursery. You were excited too but naturally Kuroo's enthusiasm showed more.

"So any day now?" Oikawa asked one day, sitting down beside you in bed. You nodded. You were around 8 months pregnant but were told your babies would likely be born premature.

"They're not kicking anymore which is odd but it really does feel like any minute now."

And you were right. Oikawa rushed you to the hospital later that day where his girlfriend Anaka and Kuroo's sister Kira worked.

It wasn't often Kuroo got caught up in work but that day just happened to be so. He was meeting with executives for an important merger happening, and as much as he would drop work for you, the implications of the day were far too important for his plans for the company, and you knew and accepted that.

Once his meeting was over, Kuroo rushed out the room. "Excuse me, I gotta go. I'm gonna be a Dad!" Kuroo told his colleagues excitedly, heading to grab things from his office. He got his go-bag he'd prepared for the special day and ran to his car. He knew he was late but he still wanted to be there as soon as he could. It didn't really matter as you had a c-section anyway, but there was another catch.

"They didn't make it," Kira told him, standing outside your closed hospital room door. "It was a stillbirth." Kuroo dropped his bag, unable to process what had happened.

"They? Both of them? Y/N?" he asked frantically, trying to access the door. "Let me go inside Kira, please!" he begged his sister.

"I can't let you in until you calm down. You have to be ready for what's inside."

"You want me to keep my calm? I can't be calm until I see Y/N's okay."

"She's not okay," Kira whispered. "Physically yes, but mentally...she's not okay at all."

"Just let me see her. I need to see my wife. Lecture me all you want later but please, let me go in." She sighed, peering the door open and giving in.

The solemn mood could immediately be felt upon entering the room. Oikawa who had been with you since the morning sat in a chair looking down at the floor. Anaka, your nurse and Oikawa's girlfriend was busy writing on her clipboard. Lastly, a doctor stood by two tiny cots across the room. In each cot was a small figure covered by a blanket: one pink and one blue.

There was no screeching crying of babies, no laughter and rejoicing to be heard. You laid with your head facing away from the door. You didn't cry—there was nothing for you to feel because there was nothing there. An empty feeling that could only be caused and fixed by family arose in your heart.

"Y/N!" Kuroo ran over to you, kneeling to meet your eyes. He brought you in to a hug, squeezing your hand. "It's not your fault. It's not your fault at all."

"They stopped kicking," you muttered quietly. Everyone in the room turned to look at you; these were the first words you'd spoken since the stillbirth. "They stopped kicking yesterday and I didn't think anything of it. They died yesterday and I didn't know it." Kuroo felt a tear run down his check but he wiped it off before you could see it. He had to be strong for you.

"Y/N," Anaka said quietly. Your body was too weak to support them. You couldn't have controlled it. Please don't blame yourself."

It didn't matter how many people told you not to blame yourself—in your eyes, it couldn't have been more clear that it was your fault.

"It took us two years to get here and now look. We're never getting the family we wanted. Not like this. I'm sorry for letting you down."

"Let me down?" Kuroo replied. "Y/N, I want a big happy family too, but if I'm being completely honest, the first person I was worried about was you. I'd love kids but I love you a lot more. We can try again. As long as you're here you're all I need." You got up and he sat with you on the hospital bed, holding you in his arms. "As long as you're here you're all I'll ever need," he repeated again, whispering in your ear and giving you a kiss on the cheek.

"Would you like to hold them?" Anaka asked hesitantly, walking to the cots.

"No! Don't get them near me!" you tensed up as Kuroo rubbed your back. Shortly after you went to the bathroom, leaving Kuroo alone.

"Here," Anaka handed Kuroo the baby girl. "I can tell you want to hold her. Y/N's reaction is completely normal, don't worry."

Kuroo held the lifeless baby girl in his arms as he wore his obnoxious World's #1 Dad t-shirt made especially for the day.

Kira walked in and Kuroo rested his head on her shoulder, sniffling and letting out a few tears.

"How do I help her?" he asked helplessly. "I always know how but I can't seem to pin it down today."

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