Only Mine | S.R. ✔️

{twelve}

I didn't realize how much I fucked up the time line until this chapter lololol you can imagine any Spencer you want but this takes place around I guess season 11 before derek left i think....

-
"I'm sorry but she didn't make it- we did everything we could." the nurse informed your family. Sobs choked in the back of your throat.
You mother pulled you close forcing tears out of her eyes. Once the nurse left she pulled you young pale body close.

"We never speak of this understand me past stays in the past y/f/n" she demanded. You nodded pulling back your sobs to be strong.

"good".

You gasped, throwing your white comforters over your boy and swinging your wobbly legs over the edge of the bed. Every night you've been reliving the moments leading to your sisters death.

Why was it hurting so much more now? You thought to yourself. The large clock hanging in your wall read 2:21 am.

Your head didn't felt but heavy like your body wasn't able to hold it up. Throwing on a pie go sweatpants and a sweatshirt from who knows where and a pair of converse, you grabbed your things and walked out of your apartment.

The cold air hitting your skin as the end of October approaches. Colder weather is better than hot you always thought. You didn't have a destination from your walk. A large moon illuminated the dark sky scattered with bright twinkling stars. Many constellations your recognized pulled in the sky.

During your time living in Virginia you found a small pond that was about a quarter mile walk from your apartment. It was filled with stones and native fish. A small water fall that formed from the rocks occupied a small part of it. Your feet sunk into the wet mud as you walk over to the small bench.

The relaxing sound of water relaxed your head, listening the the small splashes from the waterfall gracefully falling into the pond.

"It's a bit late to be out here isn't it" a  voice came from behind you. Your head shot up and turned to see Reid standing there "are you following me?" you scoffed. But seriously it's 2am and he happens to just be in the same place as you.

"No I come here when I can't sleep- sometimes books don't help" his voice was soft, lacing with comfort. It made you cringe. "oh" you whispered. You are here to clear your head not make small talk with him, he occupies your thoughts that's enough for one person.

"Why do you come here?" here we go.

"Just to clear my head y'now." you twitched one side of your face into a smile before dropping it. "yeah I do..." he trailed off.

"so what's on your mind" you couldn't just tell him that he was in your mind and your sisters death anniversary, no personal details. "work some cases can be hard" you lied straight through your teeth. Again it was the man you hated. Small details about your life weren't necessary. A small knot formed in your stomach in fear he would say something about your lie and try to pry it out of you.

His adam apple bopped in his throat as he swollen whatever guilt he was holding into. "I know why I was so rude to you" his large hand moved to the back of his neck.

Did you even want the answer. Co-workers don't just do this. You have feared the real reason for no other thing expect forgiving him.
"why than" you breathed. He walked slowly over to you, placing himself inches from your body.

"Because, I don't really now how to explain this- but um every year we get new people coming in and out of the BAU and I guess every time I attached they leave like a lot of people in my life so I thought that if I pushed you away it would hurt less when you left...if your leaving. I know it's a dumb excuse but that's the reason. And your just so smart and beautiful I didn't, want you to be attached to me ether."

He's right that made no sense. Well is sorta did but, why were you so much more important? Maybe Jj and the girls are right and he's attracted to you but it still didn't add up. "And i've always been the baby in the team so I felt replaced almost, your only 25 and a genius but i've always had that place so- but don't feel bad it's not your fault ob-obviously. God i'm sorry I don't even know what i'm saying" he mumbled the last sentence.

"It's fine" your replied dryly. You didn't plan on forgiving him anytime soon even with his stupid explanation.

You didn't want a relationship, you didn't want to be friends and you most certainly wouldn't drop your grudge. You have a hard time trusting people and commitment, so it was fine that you were going to continue to push him away. "It's getting late I should be leaving it- it was nice to see you R-Spencer"

Just like that you got up and started to trudge back to your house. The wind reminded you of that night. How Mikaylas hair flowed in effortlessly in her face while she giggled. Her sweet innocent life taken for no reason at all. When would you have finally have closure.

Walking up the stairs to your apartment, you slid the key into your door making the small click sound when it's unlocked. You pulled out your phone the check the time- 3:04 am.

Not to late for brownies. You walked over to your kitchen collecting all of the ingredients to make them. You should really call Esme, it's been 3 weeks.

Throwing all of the baking things into a large bowl, you placed the chocolate mixture into a flat pan and slid them into your oven, allowing them to cook until they are slightly cooked.

Before they cooked fully you pulled them it allowing them to continue to cook in the pot metal pan so they are still soft.

You planned on just bring the extras to the team if you didn't end up eating them all.

By the time you got done, it was already 6 and you had to get ready for work. Dark circles clouded under your eyes and your shoulders sagged. Please let there be no case.

-
A/N-

I had a lot of writers block with this so i'm sorry it's kind of a filler but hopefully I will post this weekend but I won't be home so i'm not sure yet anywasyyy thank you so much for ready byeeee