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the next time that we saw each other at school was only during lunch. we stopped talking to each other and always excused ourselves to leave for somewhere else. every time that i would stare at her, my heart would turn a different tempo. it felt hopeless.
pity formed in my chest, finding it impossible to seek a source of happiness. there was no more light to suffice within myself, and i couldn't bear to reciprocate anymore of the same mentality.
i wanted to leave. i felt like i was no longer needed for someone else.
an hour of my own internal mourning turned into a week in just seconds. all i could do was to stare at an empty wall and reflect over the entity of my entire life. the gears in my head worked its metacognition between life and death.
before anything else could happen, hyerin appeared into my life once more. her name labelled on the screen of my phone signified a call, and my heart began to beat once more, thinking once more that there could be a hope for light.
in my current state, i was weak and frail physically and mentally. because of my own stubbornness once again, i forced myself to get up and leave the house as casual as i could be.
.
the sun was bright despite the freezing cold of a normal winter day. everything was on a grey palette, mixed with natural colors. nature lived its life without having to worry, yet here i was stressing over my own. the outside world was breathtaking, and i acknowledged it.
my heart was heavy for the umpteenth time the moment i saw her, the beating going at an irregular pace. i hated to admit i felt abnormally unhealthy, my vision blurring a lower quality every time i blinked.
that moment, i realized i was going to lose conscious through the way how the insides of my chest squeezed to keep floating on the surface of life. my hand reached out for her, and when she turned to my direction, everything began to float.
emptiness and the paint of black consumed me, and the last thing i could see was her worried face.
