Still Protecting Your Feelings

1:E-Book Diary

                        Day 1:   Hey e-book dairy. It's me, Evangeline. You know, the weird ninth-grader girl with the three friends? Yeah, that's me. I'm only on here because my parents were worried about me. Like always. They said that I haven't been myself lately. And unfortunately, I can not blame them. Things have been kind of weird actually.  I know that it's normal to see and say things that you want. When it comes to people not listening, it's harder to talk.

          I have a best friend her name is Ellington. She has been my best friend since I've moved here. Well, that was two years ago. I never want to tell her these kinds of things well because she's my best friend and I don't wanna hurt her feelings.  She does this thing when she starts talking it's fine to her. When I start talking I notice how she never listens.  

                     She would either be on her phone talking to someone or ignoring me. After I stop talking, she'll continue. When I stop talking to her she'll get concerned. Especially when I just stop talking to her without saying why.  I remember last week she texted me, that she thinks that she was being a bad friend and that she thinks that she was the reason for me being so bothered. She said that she didn't want to talk to me for the rest of the day because she was a bad friend. 

             As I read what she was saying, I couldn't even lie what she said was true. But I couldn't text that back to her saying that "you're right you do bother me and you are being a bad friend. Good friends listen to each other." How I wish I could tell her how I truly feel, I just don't wanna hurt her. I lied and told her that she was being a good friend and that I was a bad friend. 

                   I wanted to pretend to feel guilty, but I felt innocent. I knew that I had nothing to explain to her. I know that I keep to myself a lot and I do it for a reason. Words can hurt just as much as getting shot. I remember when my mom had come into my room. She and I were having a good conversation. I asked her" Would I in the wrong for not telling Ellington to leave me alone." My mom said '' Why are you asking me this? Are you worried that she will get mad and not talk to you? Do you think that she is the only friend that you have?"  I told her that, anytime I am with Ellington, it feels like she's not listening to me. When I start talking notice how she rolls her eyes and sighs. 

                 Then when I stop talking she says, "Go ahead keep talking I'm "listening".

                 I know that she's never listening to me! That's what I told my mom. She Paused and then asked me " Did you ever tell her how you feel?" I looked at my mom and then look away. My answer was not answering the question. My quietness had told my mom more than what I had already told her. Evangeline as your mother I can tell when you need space from someone. Why don't you just tell her that you need some space, because right now you're protecting her feeling? She's not even acknowledging the fact that yours are hurt. Your right mom I should tell her that I need some space.