Still Protecting Your Feelings

2:The Silent Treatment

                                Over the weekend I deliberated about how I should tell Ellington that I need some space. I don't want to come off too pushy or too rude. So I decided that the best way, for me at least was to not tell her at all.  I knew that she would worry and get concerned that I'm not talking to her.  I remember being in class and I got put in a break-out room by myself. And it was peaceful. I was actually smiling. The silence was absolutely amazing. Until she was put in my break-out room. 

I got angry so fast I thought of closing my computer and not be in school for the rest of the day, but I didn't. Then she so goes," Hey Eva I miss you. Are you okay? You haven't been talking to me. I thought something happened to you." Well, something did happen my peace was ruined. Of course, I couldn't tell her that so, yet again I lied to her.  I told her that nothing happened to I'm just tired and have a lot to do. Part of that was true.  Then I remembered what my mom said. (Shoot there you go again. When are you going to stop trying to protect her feelings?)  

                                  I could have sworn that I heard the devil and the angel on my shoulders fighting. Yelling at each other that I should have an attitude and rude and tell her to back off. While the other said that ( you should word it in a different way that doesn't hurt her feelings.)  I did what the angel said. I put my words together in a different way. A way that wouldn't hurt her. After that, we started talking again. I must admit, I really did miss hearing my best friend's voice. She was asking me what have I been up to and questions like that. I was telling her that everything was fine and that I wasn't doing much, but just focusing on me and my thoughts. 

I noticed how close she was to the camera. I realized that she was actually listening to me. I thought that we gonna finally talk about me for once. Well, that didn't happen. The moment that I asked about how she was doing, she was going on and on about how this and that had happened and how I should have been there with her. When she said that I instantly turned off my camera and went on mute.  Just her saying that "I Should have been there" made me so mad. It's like she thinks that I'm the only person in the entire world that she could talk to. 

                                The one thing that she had said, that really caught my attention, was how she said that she felt like she was losing me. I turned my head in shock because didn't think that she still cared about me or my feelings. I had asked her why did she feel that way. She said it was because anytime she had called or texted me I wouldn't answer. I really wanted to tell her, "Ellington Ophelia Shades.......       

                  There are oh so many things for me to do in this whole world. We are not in the seventh grade anymore. I can't just talk to you day after day, night after night. There are things that I want to be in life. There are millions of things that I want to see. But I can't do those things if I am stuck with you!" 

                       I was so close to telling her that, but it couldn't come out of me. It was like I had swallowed cement, and it hardens quicker than I could speak. I asked her what about the boys? Haven't you been talking to Bryce and Gabriel? Well yeah, but they're not you Evangeline. Well, what about the girls on the track team. Weren't you talking to them? Evangeline Geneviève Flair-Pakston!. Those girls are nothing like you.  

                          They are not my best friend. I wanted to talk to you all of those days when you wouldn't answer. I could hear how mad she was getting. When we are mad at each other, we would say each other's full name. We wouldn't care what had come out of our mouths as long as we had apologized to each other.