Heart of Stone

Chapter Nineteen: Sleeping with the Enemy

"What's your other story, then?" I asked Teddy.

We lay side by side on the bed, several inches of duvet between us, eyes shut as we exchanged sordid details of our pasts. After he'd told me about Lacey, I'd told him my tale of New York. He'd said Mike had missed out, and I'd wondered if he missed Lacey.

"My other story might not be juicy enough for you."

"I'll give it a shot."

With a chuckle, he shifted around on the mattress and fluffed up his pillow.

"So, I've mentioned before how I got into the music industry," he said.

"Mmhm. Sponging off a famous YouTuber."

"Right... Well, everything happened so quickly that I didn't have time to properly settle into my new lifestyle or the intense scrutiny that came with it. I began to suffer with severe anxiety. I'd be nervous leaving the house—that's when I hired Mark—and preparing to go on stage was agony. I didn't have any friends in the industry at that point. At least nobody I trusted. But Mark recommended I talk to someone. A professional. I don't think I would have done if he hadn't told me that he'd seen my symptoms in lots of other people he'd worked with."

Pausing, Teddy sat up and reached for his water. He took several gulps before lying down again. I cast my mind back to that first encounter with him. Fundraising for a mental health charity had been the topic that urged him to invite Becca to his room.

"Is that the reason for your charity concert?" I asked when the silence dragged on. "Because mental health is so close to your heart?"

"Yeah. When I went to therapy, I spoke about my anxiety and the therapist asked what I did to relieve it. I told her I obsessively chewed gum, because apparently that's supposed to help, and I also had these routines... Just little things I liked to do before going on stage. The routines weren't extensive, but I was convinced I needed to do them beforehand, otherwise I might forget the lyrics, or a string might snap..."

"Like a superstition."

"Like a compulsion. An obsessive compulsion."

Okay, now I could see where he was going with this, but I said nothing, alternating my gaze between his damp lips and cautious eyes.

"During the next session, my therapist asked me to fill out a questionnaire, circling any statements that were relevant to me. A lot of them weren't relevant, but they were all symptoms of OCD. I had no idea that some of these behaviours were down to OCD. Like, surely it's normal to make sure you've locked a door? Who'd want to risk a flood by not checking the tap is turned off?"

He paused, and this time I could tell it was a calculated pause. He was dangling the bait in front of me, waiting for me to bite. How much of this story was true, and how much was a fabrication designed to make me talk?

"I was prescribed medication and advised not to drink while on them," Teddy said. "So I stopped drinking for a while. Took the medication. Attended my sessions. Now I have a handle on the anxiety, but it'll always be part of me. I still chew gum obsessively when I'm stressed or worried. It helps."