Chasing you | ✓

Chapter 39 - Good enough

Ballet class had ended hours ago and my body was feeling weaker by the minute. The heaviness was spreading through my limbs with each move across the polished floor. And yet I couldn't get the dance moves right.

I ignored the quivering in my legs when I tried to keep them straight, ignored the way my feet started cramping when I pointed my toes and powered through. 

My mind was set—I wasn't going to stop until I nailed the moves at least once. I couldn't fail the class. I just couldn't.

Ballet was the one thing I was supposed to be good at.

I was the only one still in the studio so there was no one else to blame for my mistakes but myself. I even avoided turning the lights on as the room got dusky, just so that I could blame the crappy lighting for my mistakes.

Eventually I gave in. I marched up to the light switch, letting the studio bask in artificial light. 

When I tried to do the routine again and failed, my mind started to betray me.

Step, step.

Maybe I couldn't get the moves right today, maybe I was too tired. Or maybe I wouldn't get them right at all because I wasn't good enough of a dancer.

Deep breath. Twirl.

That was it, wasn't it? I wasn't good enough.

I walked over the floor to the starting position, smacking my palms on my thighs to get them to relax.

I had to be good enough to do this.

And so I tried again.

Step, step, double twirl, step back.

I shook my head to myself, frustrated tears burning in my eyes. Why wasn't it working?

Step, step, point... then twirl...

A soft knock on wood interrupted me. My head snapped up and met Jack's eyes through the mirrored wall. His face was flushed and he almost looked like as much of a panting mess as I did, the damp t-shirt sticking to his body. 

His reflection smiled at me, but I couldn't return it. I blinked to clear my vision.

"I figured you'd be in here," Jack said. The floor creaked under his steps and he entered the room. "Am I interrupting something?"

"What do you want?"

My own words made me wince.

"Sorry, I didn't mean it like that. It's been a long day."

"Don't worry about it. Listen." He shrugged his gym bag off his shoulders, dropping it to the floor with a thud. "I wanted to ask you if you knew what happened to my biological parents. The folder didn't contain anything recent, but I thought maybe you'd heard something from your guy."

"Oh." The question threw me off guard and I had to pause to collect my thoughts. "You've read everything already?"

He shrugged. "Of course."

"Right. I'm sorry, I only know what you know."

"That's cool." He shifted on his feet, rubbing his hand over his neck. "I just thought I'd ask."

I turned around to face him. Everything looked slightly skewed in the old mirrors.  

"I could ask around, if you want?"

A hopeful spark gleamed in his eyes.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. If you're sure you want to know."