𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 ~ 𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘢 𝘴𝘩𝘶𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘦

𝕚 𝕖𝕩𝕚𝕤𝕥 𝕚 𝕖𝕩𝕚𝕤𝕥 𝕚 𝕖𝕩𝕚𝕤𝕥

i park the car and we head to the ocean. we take off our shoes and put them under our seats. you're spinning around the beach, kicking up sand, calling my name. everything, at that moment, was lightness. you're so joyful i can't help but stop for a second and watch. witness it. tell myself to take in your existence and remember every second of this so i can recall the memories easily later on. and though the reason for your ever so perfect existence is unclear, it is the one thing that has convinced me to forgive this world. for the world has you, and all that you are. it's absolutely everything i'll ever need. the fact that you exist is the only reason i choose to forgive. this escape. the ocean. the waves. you. it feels like we've stepped out of time, even though there is no such place. i bring a blanket out onto the beach and put it down for both of us. i lie down and face the sky and you lie down next to me and do the same. we stare at the clouds, breathing distance from one another taking it all in. the wind does it's dance; the water makes its music. and much like the water, our love is consistent. we are constantly moving. flowing. drowning eachother. there is nothing melancholy about it. we have the beach to ourselves, the ocean to ourselves. i have you to myself. you have me to yourself. you're lit by the orange spreading across the horizon, as not-quite-day becomes not-quite-night. i lean over and become that shadow. and in that moment when my eyes finally found yours the world felt calm again.

your eyes are blue. i've never quite believed people truly understood the depths behind their serene tints. your eyes are not an earthy green, they do not remind me of forests and lakes. rather, the blue in your eyes is like the ocean that lies in front of us, but not in just the way the colour shines, it is because they appear so deep i cannot help but drown under their gaze. and much like diving in an oceans deep end, looking in your eyes can only make me lose my breath as the calming waves within them engulf me in their bittersweet mystery. your eyes are not a cozy brown, they do not remind me of mornings full of coffee in the safety of homes. rather, they remind me of the sky and not in just their similar shades but purely because they appear infinitely boundless. and i can't help but get mesmerised trying to make out shapes from the perfectly random streaks that decorate your eyes like clouds. your eyes are not only alluring in their bright hues but also in the darkness beneath as they shelter so much of it with utter ease. perhaps that is why your eyes are so perfect. even pain and sadness can't help but silently sink under their intimidating strength. because despite all of life's faults, your eyes only ever give out subtle waves of tranquil, hope and blissful warmth. the blue in your eyes represent so much more than than just beauty and expected purity, they are the symbols of both power and serenity. as they somehow hold the most aggressive storms and the most beautiful clear skies that come after all in one place.

my ability to take a deep breath finally returns as i realise i am breathing the same air as you are. i am here, and you are here. we are here, together. the gentle waves crashing onto the shore in the background fading along with every thought laced with uncertainty. and for the first time in a long time, i felt like i was going to be okay. because even in this world that is drowning in its own lack of both solidity and depth. i still found you. and although people like us were never destined for fairytales and movie screens. in that moment it felt as though we were.

you kiss me, and it pulls me back to reality. your lips are as soft as flower petals, but with an intensity behind them. i take it slow, let each moment pour into the next, savour every second. feel your skin, your breath. taste the condensation of our contact, linger in the heat of it. your eyes are closed but mine are open. i want to remember this as more than one single sensation. i want to remember this whole, because i've never been able to fall in love. something was always stopping me. i never let myself feel. and even when i'd meet such a good person for me, i could never make myself love them. still to this day i can not quite put my finger on what was hindering me from love. maybe it was trauma, or past pain. maybe hopelessness, or even fear. but you know what i think? i think that it's the fact that none of those past souls were you, anna. i used to spend my time angry with the world. angry with myself. wondering why people couldn't love me the way that i loved. and why i could never fall in love. but then you came and it was like every drop of anger i've ever felt was replaced with falling deeper and deeper for you. i used to feel lonely, but more than anything i was angry that i could not love. but here i am now, going on and on about how you have fixed a broken soul like me who was unfixable. about how i fell in love with you. and how you fell in love with me. as we drift off to a world where everything is perfect and all that matters is our presence, i feel something i've never felt before. a closeness that isn't merely physical.

a sensation that can only come from the most euphoric of feelings: belonging.