Deserve (Eren x Reader)

Chapter 16: Pain

AN:

Hey besties

so Ive already marked this book as mature content, but it's not just sexual stuff and a little bit of nsfw in here. It's gonna include some sensitive topics like self harm, and some violence. I'd just like to mention it here because going further in to the story I'm gonna unleash some drama and some heavy stuff, along with the romance of it all. So trigger warning on self-harm. There isn't anything too bad in this chapter, just the slight mention of it. Thanks guys!

-j

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"What are you two doing in there?"

There was a pause before the door open revealing Levi, standing in the corridor. But the two second pause between Levi's voice, and the opening of the door, I was grateful for. I never moved so fast in my life, but I managed to grab a pillow and cover Eren.

"Playing Just Dance," I responded, hopefully not too suspiciously. Eren lay where he was, pretending to be exhausted. I willed Levi that wouldn't come any closer, or decide to stay.

Levi eyed the TV, with the Just Dance Idle screen displayed. "Hmm" he hummed, rolling his eyes. "We're ordering food. You want some?" He asked turning to go.

"What food," Eren piped up.

"The kind you eat."

I looked down to stop my self from laughing. "Bro-" Eren started, getting up before he realised he dick was still not tucked away where it should be. I widened my eyes in fear. He must've forgotten. But I sighed with relief, once Levi turned around fully to leave the room. "Pizza."

"That was close," I whispered.

"Why you scared if they know we fucked" He asked mischievously, "I don't mind if they do."

"Of course you don't," I laughed. "It's just that, I've never done things like that and well, I get nervous-wait we never-"

"We will" he winked, "but I enjoyed that." He stood and zipped up his trousers. I felt my face flush.

"Armin and Annie, want to go on a road trip during the break. You up for it?" He questioned, sitting back down on my bed. I looked up at him, surprised. He was inviting me? I was surprised that he would ask me specifically.

Eren raised an eyebrow. "So.. are you?"

I realised I had zoned out and immediately nodded. "Definitely," I smiled. Eren grinned back, as if he was truly happy with my response. "Out of the city life for a bit, I'm gonna need that after next week."

I furrowed my brows. "What's next week." Suddenly, the relaxed vibe I felt from Eren changed slightly. He scowled at the floor, and rubbed the area between his right thumb and index absentmindedly.

I lowered my gaze to his hand and noticed little white scars on his hand. They were faint, but obviously scars. They looked like bite marks, and my eyes widened. I didn't need to be a psychology major to understand what it was, and what it meant. Eren used to suffer, or even still is. Judging by the absentminded hand movements and scowls.

"Eren?" I didn't want to pressure him. But the change in atmosphere startled me and I wasn't sure how to handle it. I was an emotional mess myself. I didn't want to make it worse.

"I have to see my dad next week."

I nodded slowly. Family issues. I didn't really have much issues with my family. So I wasn't able to relate, or think of anything to say. Nor did I know the exact problem, that seemed to have soured his mood. But I tried to be understanding of everything.

"I'm not sure wha-," I started. "Will you come with me to visit him?" Eren asked, looking up at me. His eyes glossed over. He seemed almost vulnerable. Like he was going to cry. My heart clenched for him. He looked so tortured and pained, that I couldn't help but also tear up.

I had no idea, what had happened between him and his father. But I wanted to help him. "Of course I will."

"I know we're not exactly close, usually I'd ask Mikasa or Armin to come with me. But for some reason, you calm me down and I'd really like it if you came."

"I'll come as support, but are you sure your dad would want some random girl he doesn't know was there?" I asked nervously.

"Who the fuck cares what he wants?" Eren said with his teeth gritted. I know his anger wasn't directed at me. But I was terrified anyway. From all the versions of him I've seen up till now, the player, the joker, the athlete, the kind of guy that everyone liked, I never saw this side of him.

Eren turned to face me and softened his expression. I must've realised his outburst startled me. "Hey I'm sorry I'm not mad at you or anything."

"I know, it just surprised me is all," I said smiling at him tentatively. His eyes softened as he looked at me. His green eyes were still darker than I was used to seeing. It was as if the shade of his eyes matched his emotions. They were dull, and lacking life.

"My father ruined our family," he sighed, "that bastard took my whole world away from me, and refuses to admit he did. Even though he's put in the position where he can't deny it."

I listened intently, and looked into Eren's eyes as he spoke. To show him I was listening, paying attention to him.

"If I didn't have, Mikasa, Armin and my brother zeke and my step-mom. I don't know where I'd be," Eren continued, "I owe that I continued to live my life to the Ackermans, and Arlelts. To give me a new family, when I lost one."

The more I listened the heavier my heart felt. I wondered upon wondered, what his father could have done to warrant this obvious hatred and seclusion this boy felt.

"Eren.. where are we visiting your father?" I asked. I had originally assumed, rehab or maybe a mental institution. But the more I listened the more I doubted, it would warrant him feeling this way if his father was a drunk or drug addict, or even mentally unstable.

"Prison" he answered flatly. He began to squeeze his hand, in between his thumb and his index aggressively.

"For what reason?" I ask, unsure of what I was about to hear. A single tear slid down Eren's eye. It rolled down his cheek slowly, as if teasing the truth. Eren let out a breath I didn't know he was holding.

His face had filled with undeniable pain, and a flurry of emotions. I took his hands, to stop him from hurting himself further.

"He murdered my mom"

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Hey all,

So I'm thank you for over 6k and 245 votes! This is insane. And I'm so grateful, you guys have no idea. Thanks for all the support. And I really hope this book pops off. It's gonna be a lengthy one, idk if yall noticed a left little hints here and there throughout the first 15 chapters for the storyline. But it's not just gonna be a smut/romance book ! I plan to have drama, and some like dark aspects too!

Anyways hope you enjoy this further. And I love see you're comments

<3