flashback // h.s.

ch. 36 / Golden

I rolled over and flopped my body into a sleepy Harry next to me. He groaned from the force of my body as it woke him. 

"Hello?" He asked, unaware if he was awake or still dreaming.

"Hello, good morning," I spoke into my pillow, refusing to lift my head due to my headache. 

"Terrible morning," Harry's raspy accent spoke. 

"Are you hungover?" I lifted my head to see this rare sight. 

"Are you Madi?" He asked, not looking at me. 

"Shut up," I smacked his head. 

"No! Don't do that, I'm kidding," he started rubbing his temples. 

"I didn't think you were even that drunk," I said, rolling on my side to face him. 

"Madi, you were just that drunk," he chuckled.

"Dear God," I laughed. 

"We gotta get up," Harry started moving but my arm wrapped on his torso. "Don't you wanna get up, lazy bones?"

"Not yet," my muffled voice said and I put my hands out for cuddles like normal. He took the invitation and joined me back in bed. 

"Tell me a story," I sighed and said while gently laying my head on his bare chest. His fingers began to stroke my hair and he hummed. 

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you said you had stories with your songs, so tell me one." I said.

"Which one do you wanna hear?" he asked. I turned my head to look at him and formed a small grin on my lips. 

"Golden."

Harry smiled and then moved his hand to start rubbing my back. 

"Good choice," he said.

"I just wanna know. I mean I flaunted the song last night in clothing form, I'd least like to know what I'm representing."

"Your heart," he said with no hesitation. My brows furrowed.

"Elaborate," I said. 

"We were in Japan a little over a year ago. You and I kind of felt like outsiders. Especially me, I was nervous about the album never coming together. We were sitting in your hotel room after a long day. I had walked you back to your room and I wasn't ready to say goodnight because you were the only thing that felt like a piece of home with me. When you were trying to shoo me out," I rolled my eyes at that part. "Put your eyes back in your head, you know you were tired and trying to get me out."

"Fair enough, go on." I smiled and readjusted myself.

"Anyways, I started having another small panic attack, like-like I wasn't going to be good enough. Like the album wasn't going to be what I needed it to be," I could see him start to display some of that frustration. "Kind of similar to how when I visited home after the band broke up, and you calmed me down. I just...I guess I just felt worried and conflicted about it all. I couldn't part with you just yet, even for a night. You brought me in and sat me down. You immediately got me a cold glass on water and rubbed my arm. You told me about home. You reminded me of the things I love. You told me about the coast, Malibu."

//FLASHBACK//

Harry's POV

"Hey, hey it's okay." Madi rubbed my arm as my breathing intensified. 

"M-M-Madi," I couldn't get a full sentence out. 

"You don't have to say anything, just breathe. And hey, think about...your car." I looked at her in confusion, my breath still heavy. "Yeah, your car. Think about driving it down the coast at sunset. Feel it, see it, smell the air. It's home." I still couldn't picture it. All I could imagine, all I was consumed by was anxiety about all of it.