Not Her

13. Conflicted ...

A sigh escaped pass Khusi's lips, as she rolled her eyes at the screeching cries on the other side of the phone.

"Hold on Khusi, Mishti is probably hungry again. Sunil, will you stop with the laptop and help me out with Mishti!?"

Khusi cringed at the way Shreya shrieked. She was definitely frustrated looking after her 3 months old daughter, all on her own.

"Just a minute Shreya, I am busy with these ppts."

"I don't care. Just hold her." Mishti cries echoed in the background, as Khusi's felt Shreya walking away from the scene.

"Hey, I am sorry. It gets too frustrating here from time to time. So where were we?" Shreya huffed a breath, sitting down on a couch, gulping down some water.

Khusi sighed, pinching the skin below her eyebrows. "You were telling me how good it feels to be a mother, even when it comes at the price of so much pain ..." Khusi imitated Shreya's exact words, annoyed at how her bestfriend wasn't on her side.

Shreya and Khusi were friends since the school days, growing up together and becoming each other's best friends, even though they were miles apart from each other. They didn't share the same college or the same town anymore, Shreya's husband being posted at Delhi, but their bond hadn't lessened any.

"Shreya, I didn't call you to give me a lecture on motherhood. I needed you to listen to me."

"I did listen Khusi, and I am shocked at the fact that you still don't want a baby. You!? You basically wanted to become a primary school teacher because you loved kids. I thought after getting married that bizzare thought of never having a child will go away from your head."

"Well it didn't. It had strengthened more, now that no one is supporting me. And I never said I hate kids. Not wanting to get pregnant have got nothing to do with hating children," Khusi gritted.

"Believe me Khusi, every pain and trouble will be worth in the end, when you will hold your baby for the first time in your hands. amd trust me, your bond with Bhaskar will also strengthen more during pregnancy. Yeah, it's true that even after giving birth it won't be clouds and rainbows, you might even feel like you will slip into depression. But trust me, you will manage. It's such a beautiful ... "

Khusi have had enough. She disconnected the call and switched off her mobile, throwing it away on her bed. She was tired of everyone telling her to have a child. Why was the society so obsessed with every woman having their own children? From relatives from her mother's side to her cousins from her father's side ... each one of them was hell bent on making her pregnant. As if they had pledged an oath.

She had even received calls from distant aunt-in-laws, who, she didn't even know existed, to lecture her about pregnancy and how it was so important for the family hierarchy to have a child. She was so tired of all of this, that she wished to dissappear from the face of the earth for a few days.

Her mother had been avoiding her since the day Bhaskar came to live with them, to convince Khusi, only paying heeds to his needs. Khusi had given both of them cold shoulders, locking herself in her room most of the time.

A knock resonated in the room, and Khusi's headache spiked. Who was there now?

She ripped open the door only to get baffled at the sight.

"Annanya di?"

"Hey." Annanya smiled softly at Khusi, Neil and Bhaskar standing behind her. Khusi's annoyances hiked as soon as she saw the sheepish smile on Bhaskar's face. As if bringing Annanya could convince her.

Deciding not to beat around the bush, she snapped at Bhaskar, "What do you want?"

Bhaskar's smile vanished from his face, shocked for a second, at Khusi's cold behavior.

Annanya decided to intervene. "Won't you invite me in?"

Khusi rolled her eyes, sighing in exhaliration. "Only if you don't speak about pregnancy and having kids."

Bhaskar bit his lip and looked away. He had thought that bringing someone of Khusi's age and someone she shared a deep bond with, would convince her, but he probably was wrong.

"Okay, we won't talk about that. Now let me in? The boys can stay out."

As soon as Annanya walked in, Khusi slammed shut the door on Bhaskar's face.

"Your room is beautiful." Annanya sat on her bed, looking around the room. Khusi's lips thinned in a wry smile.

"How're you?" She decided not to be rude to Annanya.

"Doing great." Khusi sat beside Annanya, and buried her face in her palms.

"If you wanna lecture me ... "

"No, I am not here to tell you what you should do. You're an independent woman and capable enough to make that decision, Khusi."

Khusi's face snapped up to look at Annanya. She wasn't sure whether Annanya was being genuine or trying to coax her.

"The family will expect you to yield to their demands, give them a baby, an heir to carry the bloodline and all, but do what you really want to Khusi."

"Although, you really need to remember one thing too Khusi. Will it all be worthy in the end? You love Bhaskar right?"

Khusi nodded. She had fallen in love with him over the years.

"He loves you too. But what if he decides to leave you? Will you able to endure that pain? It could be traumatising and heartbreaking Khusi. We get true love only once in our life. Are you really ready to loose all of that, because you don't want to conceive?"

"But if he loves me ... he should support my decision," Khusi protested.

"What about what he wants? If you expect him to support you, doesn't he deserve the same?"

Dread settled on Khusi's chest. She would never be able to withstand the pain of Bhaskar leaving her. She loved him too much. Way too much than he loved her.

Up until this point she had been stubborn because she felt, no matter how much they fought or didn't agree on some points, Bhaskar would never divorce her.

"Think about it, okay?"

Annanya left, but the storm her words caused in Khusi's heart, didn't calm down for the whole day.

She had dreamt about adopting a sweet little child and raise her up, along with Bhaskar. Grow old with him, and love him immensely to the end of her life. But, him leaving her? She wouldn't be able to endure that pain.

Realeasing a deep breath, Khusi pushed herself on her feet, wiping the tears that had rolled down her cheeks at the mere thought of Bhaskar abandoning her.

Opening the door, she strode out. Her parents were having their dinner, along with Bhaskar, Neil and Annanya. As soon as she stepped out, all the eyes snapped at her, a deep longing shimmering in Bhaskar's eyes.

"I am ready."

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