billie || billie eilish

14

I find Billie amid a crowd of girls in the bookstore even though I don't want to. I pretend I don't see her because I'm stupid and think that that's how partnerships work, slipping to the back, hiding my face in a book. For a bit, my shoulders relax and I'm calm.
Then Billie sits beside me, dropping my hoody in my lap, smothering me in the scent of unwashed clothes and potent homemade punch and forest mud. "Where'd you go yesterday?" she asks, hair wild and blue. "The party continued after you left."
I shrug, pushing the hoody to the side, not wanting it anymore, wiping at a stained bit on my book.
She knits her fingers through my hair, pulling lightly through the curls, fingers lithe and alarmingly gentle. "Aren't we talking?" she asks quietly. But, it isn't a question. She's just thinking. "I'm sorry about the party. But, it was fun. Wasn't it? You enjoyed it."
Her lips are hot against my ear, nipping at my earlobe a bit, just enough to where it isn't even real. "You enjoyed yourself didn't you?"
I don't say anything.
She frowns. "I saw you with Shay," she says, trying to get a reaction out of me. But, I don't succumb. "I would have kissed him. He's cute. Isn't he?"
I shrug, flipping to the following page. "I guess."
"Lockland?" She's confused.
We sit there like that. She's not carrying her camera around today and it's a bit of a surprise. She films me being melancholy on her iPhone, flash glittering off the pages in my book.
"Smile for the camera," she says, a glimmer of a carefree teenage girl in her blue eyes. She's smiling shyly. A piece offering.
I stare at her, face vacant. But, she takes what she can get. Then hesitates when she touches her fingers to my chin, tilting it up. "Just like that," she whispers, mesmerized. Her fingers linger there for a bit, warm and alive. Pulsing with artistic desire.