She's warm. Grace Pattin is warm and naked in my bed. She's asleep and she looks sweet and she's nothing like I imagined.
She's the kind of blonde that I never thought existed. Only, when I look close I realize that it's strawberry blonde instead and it makes her look like a goldfish. My fingers are in her hair and I think about how strange it all is. I think about her in the bookstore with her group of friends, cameras ready, all pink and demanding.
But, right now she's a little floating goldfish amid a big, black ocean that sucks her inside. I close my eyes and try to fall asleep, too.
I wake up sometime during the afternoon without Grace. Her clothes are gone. She's gone. I think about how all of this could have been a figment of my imagination.
I stand beneath the shower head, thinking until it all dissolves into black hair swirling down the drain and I can't see anymore, all my shampoo has gone into my eyes.
I can't look at myself in the mirror too long. I'm not sure if I'll be happy with what I'll find. I brush my teeth, gums raw and bleeding. It makes me upset. I spit blood into the sink, wiping my mouth. I get blood on the towel.
Billie's in my front door before I get to step into my Vans. She unties the laces then ties the laces. But, she's not being helpful. She's in a hurry.
"We have wasted an entire day!" She's yelling and she's angry. "You've wasted an entire day. Where did you go after the party? Don't tell me you were sleeping around with Shay!"
I don't say anything. I don't care if she's got it wrong. I don't care that I betrayed her. I don't care that Shay exists.
Billie pulls me through the forest and into the treehouse. She thrusts me into the beanbag and I sink and sink and sink until I can't hear her anymore. I've got beanbag in my ears.
"We only have two weeks left to complete the filming process, Lockland." She's rummaging for her notebook, but it's not there. For the first time, she's lost. She's not demanding. She's not criticizing. She's just another stupid girl looking for a book she'll never find.
"Where is it?" She looking at me. I stare at her. She can tell that I don't have it and it makes her lose her mind. At least, the little bit of it that she's got left. It's not about the project anymore.
"I—" She sucks in a breath, but it's toxic and makes her cough. Now she's heaving. She's breaking. I watch.
She pulls a bit at her blue hair that's gone gray and silvery like the moon. Her face is red beneath its usual olive. But, still, I just stare.
"Who have you been in here with?"
We both know who has the notebook.
YOU ARE READING
billie || billie eilish
Random"I'm sorry about the party. But, it was fun. Wasn't it? You enjoyed it." Billie's lips are hot against my ear, nipping at my earlobe a bit, just enough to where it doesn't even feel real. "You enjoyed yourself didn't you?" ••• Lockland Orion is shy...
