wish she wasn't you (Wilbur x reader)

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~December 20th

It was almost Christmas. Me and y/n talked for almost a month, i was really happy. Now i was pretty sure that she wasn't using me for my fame. Obviously i kept updating Tommy about this situation.

Later that day, i spoke on Discord with Tommy, Niki, Karl, Alex and others to meet for Christmas. Since we will spend our xmas with our family, we decided to meet on December 26th.

"Guys, i have a question" i said

"I have a really close friend that i want to invite . Can she come here?"

"OH MY GOD WILL, DO YOU HAVE A GIRLFR-" he yelled

"We'll gonna meet at your house, so if you want to, she can come, of course." Niki replied

i was really happy. We ended the call then i immediatly took my phone to text y/n.

Me and some other members
decided to meet on
December 26th. Would you
come?

uhm sure. We'll gonna meet
at your house?

yup

ok, then it's ok for me. Who's
gonna come?

Tommy, Niki, Karl, Alex,
George, Nick, Tubbo and
Ranboo

Thank you!! We're gonna see
us again and i will meet other dsmp
member.

Wait but, Do they know
that i'm a girl?

They only know that you're
a girl, but don't worry, they're
ok with this.

Then, i'll be there

can't wait to see you!!

Y'N's pov

I checked my instagram's home and i saw that someone started following me.

TommyInnit started follow you.

Ok, but, how did he know me? I think Wilbur told him. After 2 minutes i noticed that Tommy texted me:

"Hello y/n, are you coming to
the party?"

"Hi Tommy, yeah, i'm
coming."
seen

~6.00pm~

I was really bored so i decided to go out. I was feeling sick for a week now and my mum was really worried about me but i didn't care at all. I started to get ready, putting on really heavy clothes because the weather was extremely cold. I took my keys and i leaved my house. There was many people. Some of them looking for the perfect Christmas gifts and others just walking with their friends. I was looking to all the pretty lights around me.

LITTLE TRIGGER WARNING

While i was walking, i noticed that my vision was getting really blurry and i felt like i was slowly falling asleep. Then i closed my eyes. I was still able to hear the voices around me telling to each other to call 911.

I felt free, from all thoughts.
I felt relaxed, in every part of my body.
I felt my soul come out of my body, as if I were flying.

Then i saw a blinding light. I finally opened my eyes. There was my mum sat next to me crying. I just wanted to stand up and hug her because i knew how worried she was, but i didn't have the energy to do it. So i tried to speak but she seemed like she couldn't hear me. Suddendly i heard a loud noise and i saw a tell men coming towards me. Will?

No, he was the doctor.

My mum and the doctor went out. I was laying there staring at the ceiling. To be honest, i didn't feel tired or something. I would have paid to feel this way again. After everything I've been through in the past, I'd deserve it. My only chance to escape the reality that surrounds me was Wilbur, who at that moment I could not text, call or anything else. I envy all those girls who have so much confidence. They're shining. And me? I'm just girl that is very tired of living in this world, in this society, who wanted to feel free from her thoughts, her mental problems and her insecurities. I wonder why i can't feel like that. YES, i could tell you that i can't because i've tried... and i've tried really hard, more than you can imagine. For what? For all this time i pretended to be ok and i faked my smile so many times. My life seems like a movie for how much i have to fake my emotions every single day. I know that my mental health isn't good but what am i supposed to do? Go to some psychologists that will make me even sadder, that's the only answer. It's also true that i'm in a continuing loop where i'm always closed in my thoughs and i can't deal with it. It seems like i have demons in my head and i can't drown my demons 'cause they know how to swim. I can't feel free without someone. And that someone is Wilbur, who halped me so much since i started watch his streams. He has no idea. I just want to feel free but there's not a real escape. Only if i could be forever with Will things will change, but it's obvious that this can't happen. We're just two bestfriends that are trying to keep up each other.

a/n

sorry for this short chapter but i wanna do a pretty long Wilbur's pov so i have to do another chapter <33