Meant To Be Together

34

TW's:
-Just as we thought it couldn't get worse

(If you want the sad ending, you can either read the chapters after this too, or you can skip chapter 35-40 and wait for the alternate ending to come out)

Clay donated his stem cells the day after and it was two weeks later. I was getting weaker and weaker, I had been on chemo everyday, but it didn't seem to work at all. The cancer kept spreading in my body and I was weaker than ever. Since I had acute leukaemia, the cells kept dividing quicker and quicker, spreading everywhere through my body.

We were waiting to see if Clay was a match with me since so far there was no donor found for me. Days were really dark at this point, I was throwing up all day. I was honestly so sick and I had never been sicker than I was now. I was scared everyday, because it felt like I was dying. I honestly was dying, leukaemia completely overtook my whole body.

Clay had gotten a special schedule in which he could go to the hospital to be with me when my chemo started. He wanted to be with me if I died. Today was such a day, I was laying down in Clay's arms after throwing up four times. He was hugging me tightly, but he was wearing a mask and gloves, just as protected clothes. I was really weak and if I would get anything like an infection or a fever, I would immediately die.

I had my eyes closed as I heard the doctor walking in. I really slowly looked up at the serious face of him and he nodded softly.

'George, I have really bad news.'

I nodded really slowly, I was too weak to be shocked or anything.

'The chemo doesn't work at all anymore, or at least. It makes the cancer spread less quickly and at this point it's only to keep you alive for as long as they need to maybe find a match. George, if we can't find a match for you-,' he said nervously, pausing for a second. 'We can't do anything else.'

'Dead?' I whispered.

'We are trying everything to avoid it, but we have to be honest that the cancer is trying to win the fight.'

I nodded slowly and I cuddled up with Clay again. I was so weak and I honestly sometimes was thinking that it was better for me to die now. I didn't want to at all and I wished to win this fight with all my heart, but I had so much pain. I felt so weak, honestly I was already dead. I wasn't living at all anymore.

Clay hugged me really tightly and he pressed his mask against my head. Since he couldn't kiss me, he kissed me like this.

'How long does he have?' my mum asked.

The doctor smiled shortly. 'Unless we are going to keep giving him chemo this much, he will have two to five weeks.'

'And with chemo?'

'A few months.'

It was silence and suddenly I heard everyone softly sob. Clay looked at the doctor and looked back down at me.

'Can I kiss him? I won't kiss his lips, I just want to kiss his face.'

The doctor nodded. 'I understand, do you have any symptoms?'

Clay shook his head. 'I'm just tired, because I slept poorly.'

The doctor smiled and nodded. 'You can kiss him.'

'Do I ever get to kiss him on his lips?'

'You will, the chemo will have to stop one day if he doesn't get a donor and then you can kiss him.'

'Don't want chemo,' I whispered. 'Want to die without being so sick because of chemo.'

Nobody said anything and Clay kissed my whole face. 'I really wish I could kiss you, baby.'

'You can just kiss his lips, but nothing more.'

Clay nodded and smiled at me, pressing his lips on mine. 'I love you so much, honey.'

'I love you too,' I whispered.

'I really wish to kiss you now, sweetie. But it's a little dangerous.'

'When kiss?'

'You can kiss after two to three days after the chemo.'

Clay and I nodded and he cuddled up closely with me, kissing my forehead the whole time.

'I don't want to die,' I whispered. 'I want to be with you.'

'I'm going to be here until the end.'

'You also say I'm going to die now.'

'I don't know anymore, sweetie. I'm still hoping for a wonder of you getting better.'

'I'm sorry.'

'Why are you sorry?'

'For leaving you all alone.'

'Baby, please never say this again. You didn't choose to get this sick, honey.'

'But I'm leaving you all behind. And I'm also selfish by not wanting chemo anymore, I just wish to die without being this sick because of the chemo.'

Clay kissed my cheek. 'I understand, sweetie. That's not selfish at all, it's your life and if you would rather pass away without constant chemo, I will accept that.'

'What would you have chosen?'

'I don't know, sweetie. I don't know what it's like at all. But I respect your choice, I understand that you don't want to be this sick anymore.'

I closed my eyes and hugged Clay tightly. 'I'm scared that if I close my eyes, I will die.'

Clay kissed my cheek. 'I'll be with you, sweetie.'

'What will you do if I die here?'

Clay swallowed his tears away. 'I will try and do what you told me. I will try and stay happy. I will try and be happy that I held you in my arms at the very last moments.'

I nodded slowly and closed my eyes again. 'Every time I go to sleep I want to say goodbye to everyone,' I whispered.

'Okay, honey,' Clay whispered with a voice crack. He bit his lip to fight against his tears.

'Mum, dad. If I die, I love you. Remember that I will always love you for everything you've done for me.'

I looked at the doctor. 'Thanks for trying to save me.'

Even the doctor had tears in his eyes now. I now looked at Clay and smiled at him. 'Clay, I swear to you, we are meant to be together. And I'm so sorry to make life this difficult for you, but I love you so much. If I die, I want you to remember how much I love you and if I get to choose someone I'm watching over, it will be you. So remember that I'll always be watching over you even if I die now.'

Clay kissed my forehead. 'I love you too. Whatever happens, my heart will always belong to you.'

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