Drunk Without Cause

Twenty-Two.

He was playing with fire, and yet he didn't even want to feel the heat of a flame. His decisions were illogical and erratic, like they had been to begin with. Nessa knew that he would only end up making things worse for himself, he was bearing that reality like boulders on his shoulders. But even now, he couldn't help but delve into his old self. The version of him that always fucked things up for himself and those around him.

That was why he said yes when Kiwi called him to ask if he wanted to come to a party on that Friday night. He said that pretty much the entire school would be there, and it would be a nicer home than the first one he went to. Nessa knew that he shouldn't have agreed, but it was too late now. Kiwi had sounded so excited, it made him feel like no wasn't even an option.

Now Nessa was peeking through the blinds of his window, waiting tentatively for a black car to pull up in front of his house. He was told that Emi had stolen the keys from her mom, and was going to pick everyone up on the way. As nice as it was outside, Nessa couldn't find it in him to sit exposed on the porch for a prolonged period of time. Not if he was alone, anyway. That was too much for him.

The instant that the car came to a stop, and he was able to make out the girls sat in the front seat, Nessa tried to ignore his hammering heart and made his way out there. The car door clicked open, revealing Emi and Keely in the front, then the rest of them stuffed into the back. He wondered what order she must have went if Ilya was already there. It was a very small car, not many seats to occupy. Which was why Ilya sat on the far right, kiwi practically on his lap so that he could make room for Nessa.

Out of curiosity, Nessa parted his pink lips and wondered where Venice was. Then he nearly laughed as he realized that Venice was in the small space behind the seats, where there was storage space. He had his knees up to his chest, face blank as he offered Nessa a knowing glance. Then he climbed into the open seat, thigh pressed up against Kiwi's given their lack of space.

"So, I talked to Melanie." Emi said as she pushed her phone towards Keely, who immediately took it and began typing in something. "She said this party is going to be bigger than last years, don't even know the bitch much, but she didn't seem to care."

"Melanie is nice." Kiwi replied. Nessa would never cease his amazement at how well Kiwi seemed to know everyone. "She knows that you're all my friends, so she knows your cool."

"That explains it, I guess." Emi shrugged, just as a song suddenly began blaring through the speakers. Nessa didn't know it by name, given that he mostly listened to indie rock or indie pop music.

"I got a lot to say to you." The girl sang, and Nessa was interested to find that it wasn't even a heavy song. He loved being proven wrong, and Emi had done so. It always made him wonder why people liked what they did, especially when it wasn't his first guess. "Yeah, I got a lot to say."

Emi, Keely, and Ilya were all singing. It was a sweet moment, Kiwi clearly not knowing the lyrics, but still equally as excited. It was a pleasant display, one that made Nessa feel right at home. They never made him feel as though he were an outsider, and for that, he would be forever grateful. He wondered what Venice was thinking from behind him. Did he know the lyrics to this song? Did he feel the exuberance suffocating the members of the car?

Nessa liked to suspect that the answer was yes. Because Venice was every bit as human as the rest of them, and being a bit blank didn't really mean anything about his character. It just meant that he was different, and that made him beautiful. Differences were what made everyone beautiful. Tucking his hands into the pocket of his blue denim overalls, Nessa couldn't help about allow the following thought to skip by.

That differences made everyone beautiful, as long as they weren't him. His differences made him horrible and ugly. Do unto others the way you wanted them to do unto you. People always told him that while growing up. What a sick joke, because he did not treat others the way he wanted to be treated. And as much as he was paying for that, he also had kind people around him. A juxtaposition without resolution.