9 - Butterflies

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     “10 minutes kid,” my manager walks past the doorway

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     “10 minutes kid,” my manager walks past the doorway. I pace in the meeting room, the air tasted stale and the temperature was way too warm for the cool summer evening outside. Everytime I pass the computer I press F5, eagerly refreshing my official YT page. It’s 5:50 pm in Seoul, South Korea. I'm so ready for the drop of my first comeback, my first single and most importantly my first self choreographed routine.

There are so many firsts in this one moment that I just want everything done and over with. Too tired of being nervous to care about being nervous.

I say that, but the butterflies stay and anxiety keeps them company.

“You keep pacing like that and you are going to wear out the carpet even more,” a sweet voice says from the doorway.

I see CEO SeoYeon and rush to her, tackling her in a hug “How can you leave me here alone at a time like this Mae!?”

“You’re not alone, your manager is here. I saw him in the lobby,” she says.

“Noona, he is only here to collect a paycheck,” I step back and cross my arms.

She shakes her head “No, no, he is a good guy I promise," I roll my eyes, “But enough about him, 5 minutes till release! You must be so nervous!” She pulls me in a tight hug again “Let’s watch it when it releases!”

"Obviously!" Rushing to the laptop we scream excitedly when 6:00 hits.

~~~

     I fall onto the nearest couch as soon as I step off stage, finishing my first music show performance for 'Pop love'. Feeling so proud, so elated! So just… happy. Plain and simple. After six years of struggling as a trainee and then finally releasing my debut album this is when it feels real. 

I have a fanbase. 

Actually having fans that came to hangout with me in the studio audience. Meeting some in real life, the rest I see online. So far it’s all positive reactions. I can’t wait for the dance covers, song covers, and just fans enjoying my music.

“...That idol, Hanuel…”

Being hyper aware of my name at the moment I notice the girls in the corner talking about me. They look like makeup artists so I don’t think too much about it. I mean I did just perform. I brush my long hair behind my ear, ever so casual in my eavesdropping.

“Hanuel? Who’s tha- Ow! What?” A girl with bleach blond hair elbows her brunette friend.

“Idiot! Thats her! The girl that just performed!”

“Her? But she's a rookie solo idol. How would she be able to copy BTS?”

“I don’t know! But look at this article, the videos are proof.”

Copy BTS? What? Against my better judgement I decide to check twitter. My DMs were filled and I had 1,001 mentions and guess what's trending, #HanuelPlagiarism #HanuelTheTheif #CopiedBTS #StolenFromBTS and millions of others like them, all with videos or pictures. Even some of my stage today.

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