Book 1: LILIKA

CHAPTER 8

"When will I ever be enough?"

Ang ganda ng gising ko ngayong umaga! Nakangiti akong bumangon sa kama at nagsimulang maghalungkat ng isusuot ko. Parang kahapon lang yung una naming pagkikita ni CJ pero ngayon, magsi-celebrate na kami ng birthday niya. Next month, before Christmas pa yung special day niya pero today na namin naisipan maghanda. Advanced celebration na din ito ng first holidays namin dapat together. Hindi kasi kami makakapag kita para mag exchange gifts sa napakalaking Christmas tree sa park. Sayang nga kasi dapat makikita ko na yung family niya sa kanyang birthday. Parehas daw kasi na walang pasok nun ang parents niya kaso isinali kasi ako nila Papa sa isang ballet competition na gaganapin before New Year, kaya starting tomorrow, I'll be busy in our dance studio.

Mag-isa lang akong aalis ngayon kasi nautusan si Manang na bumili ng mga kakailanganin ko sa competition. Nakita ko na agad si CJ pagdating ko sa park. He's waiting at our favorite bench.

"Advance Happy Birthday, CJ! And advance Merry Christmas na din!", I greeted him sabay abot ng gifts ko sa kanya.

"Wow! Ang astig naman ng covers nito at may mga pirma pa ng author! Maraming salamat, Ikah! Mukhang magandang stories ang mga ito at mapapasabak na naman ako sa English!"

"I think you'll love it. About yan sa isang collapsed amusement park na may mga genetically re-created dinosaurs tapos yung isa ay about sa adventures ng isang batang babae at ng kanyang aso."

"Ikah, natutuwa ako dahil may pirma ito ng mga author pero sana may sinulat ka din dito sa likod ng books. Birthday and Christmas messages mo para sa akin, please? At saka heto pala yung advanced gift ko naman sa iyo para sa Pasko. Pasensya na at ito lang ang nakayanan kong gawin."

Nagsulat muna ako ng messages for him. Tinakpan ko at pilit na itinago sa kanya. Sinabi ko na sa bahay na lang niya basahin dahil nahihiya ako. Pagkakita ko nung gift niya sa akin ay namangha ako. Ang creative din talaga nitong friend ko!

"This is amazing,CJ! Thank you so much! Your gift is more valuable than what I gave you."

May isang handwritten letter na nakalagay sa brown envelope. He remembered my favorite color. Naka dikit yung letter sa isang shoebox diorama na gift niya for me. Isang girl at isang boy na may hawak na lily flower ang makikita sa loob. Nakaupo ang mga ito sa slides at nakatingala sa sky na mayroong full moon at maraming stars. I carried it carefully like it's a great masterpiece from an art museum.

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Early in the morning of the event, Manang accompanied me to the registration booth and logged my attendance as a participant. A staff member instructed me to get a random paper from a blue box. I got the lucky number 7. She told us the direction of the changing area and reminded me to start warming up before my performance.

My makeup and hair stylists together with my instructor arrived shortly after us. They brought my dance outfit, dancing shoes, combs, makeup and hair sprays in a bag. There's also an extra bag containing some shirts, towels, and other 'quick-fix' paraphernalia like safety pins, threads, needles, etc. And of course, I am carrying a bag with bananas, yogurt drinks and energy bars.

Pina suot ko muna kay Manang yung bracelet ko. Doon ako titingin mamaya para mabawasan yung kaba ko. I picked up my outfit and changed. I looked at the mirror, satisfied with what I saw. My hair is in a neat high ponytail and I am wearing a top-notch blue-purple sequined tutu dress and tights. My tutu dress has crisscross straps and a three-layer-style skirt. It has an elastic band around my neck, arms and a full front liner down to my waist. I begin to do warm up stretches to get comfortable with my outfit and have a feel of the floor.

As I danced, this thought lingered in my mind. What if I won, then everybody would just say "Well of course she won this. They got money to hire the best private tutors." But then if I lose, they will all make fun of me. I never wanted to be the top because being the best means you have to keep winning. I wanted to have fun and enjoy it but my parents expected an astounding performance.

Even though I have screwed up a little bit in my routine, I maintained my posture until the end. I ended up making not too noticeable mistakes which were because of the pressure I'm feeling but still declared as one of the winners. Sadly, my parents were upset because I only got third place. And for that, I didn't get the chance to join a famous ballet group.

At the backstage, Tanaka The Witch was being scolded silently by my parents. Sayang daw yung binabayad nila sa kanya. Dumiretso agad ako sa changing room para makaiwas muna sa kanila. Naabutan ko si Manang sa loob at naghihintay na sa akin. Kasama niya yung napaka supportive na aunt at uncle ko na nakahabol pala kanina para mapanood ako.

"Congratulations to our pretty little Lili!", sabi ni Daddy Kale. Nag abot din sila ng flowers sa akin.

"It's still not enough. I made mistakes kanina kaya hindi natuwa sina Papa at Mama. Pinapagalitan nga nila ngayon yung witch instructor ko.", I sadly said to them.

"Let's ignore your supercilious parents! Ang galing mo nga kanina! I never noticed any mistakes! May award o wala, na enjoy namin yung performance mo!", sabi ni Mommy Mika.

We were interrupted when some media reporters knocked. Manang opened the door for them. Pumasok na din sa loob yung parents ko.

"Your performance was such a joke! Was that the best you can? Always a disappointment!", Papa whispered to me as he entered the room and stood beside me.

"We should've been in an important meeting right now. You wasted our precious time for nothing!", Mama followed through and pretended to hug me.

They acted like they're happy to congratulate me and then smiled at the cameras. I winced as I felt Mama pinching at my side discreetly. Behind the cameras, they kept on mumbling on what a disappointing act they had watched. Yes, I earned another medal but not the hearts of my parents.