Oh I Do Like Guys, Just Not You (L.S)

Chapter 16

So maybe Harry finds it rather hard to pretend that he is okay with just the little love his current relationship with Louis gives him. Maybe it did hurt more than a bit when Louis referred to their relationship as fun, when Harry told the older boy that he liked him. And maybe, just maybe, Harry is inexplicably, completely and overwhelmingly falling for Louis.

Which is all fucking terrifying.

All of this hits him, as he lays in bed Saturday afternoon, Zayn and Niall having left. Finally, Harry can let the tears of stress and frustration over his stupid feelings for Louis loose, and the second he is alone, he can't help himself from crying with ugly, sobbing hitches of breath.

Harry's not just sad, he's mad that he is doing this again. He's projecting his own insecurities onto his relationship and it's going to ruin it. Just like he did with Nick. Him and Louis both agreed it was just sex.

Stop being so insecure Harry, it's not attractive. He repeats the words over and over, but it doesn't stop the tears from rolling, Harry suddenly feeling very small and very overwhelmed, despite his friends having been here no less than an hour ago.

This whole fuckbuddy thing was supposed to be fun. Noncommitted fun, and here Harry is, acting like a complete idiot and falling for Louis who clearly doesn't want the same from him.

And Harry really can't blame the older boy, considering Harry is a fucking insecure mess who can't even keep a casual relationship casual.

Harry is well aware that he is spiraling at a dangerous pace, but right now he has no desire stopping it, he just wants to let himself be depressed, instead of the always-near-the-edge feeling of stress and slight sadness that have been pressing for the last few weeks, as he grew more and more aware of his undeniable feelings for Louis.

Harry knows how fucked he is and how stupid the entire situation is when he wakes up crying Sunday morning because of a stupid, stupid dream.

Harry dreamt that he was in a house with Louis, and suddenly the house was on fire, and Louis ran out without rescuing him - which hurt - and then he kept running back in for increasingly irrelevant things - which hurt even more. Louis even ran in to get a banana because he was feeling snacky, leaving Harry with open arms on a couch, ready to be rescued.

Harry's pretty sure he was wearing a tiara as well but that's probably unrelated to the whole Louis thing.

In conclusion, it's a stupid fucking thing to cry about, yet here Harry is, bawling his eyes out.

Stupid Louis. If he doesn't want all of Harry, he gets none.

However, that is easy to say when Harry's curled up in bed, crying over the boy, but he is very well aware of the effect Louis has on him outside this bubble of hurt.

Harry knows by now that he wants more than sex, but he isn't ready to admit it entirely yet, as it means telling Louis so, and most likely ruin the thing they currently have going.

It's almost noon, and Harry still hasn't gotten out of bed, and he knows either Liam or their parents will come knocking any second to get him up.

Harry hates people seeing him cry, because he always comes off as a confident and happy person, and he hates feeling like a liability with heavy feelings like this, so when someone knocks at his door, Harry dries his eyes with practiced ease, glides out of bed and plasters on a smile, before opening the door to Liam telling him to come eat lunch.

***

It's stupid really, that Harry doesn't stop sleeping with Louis, considering he has a breakdown afterwards almost every time. That is the only good thing about him waking up alone when Louis is over; He gets to have his breakdown in peace, without bothering Louis with his insecurities.