TEENAGE DIRTBAGS ❇ SHAWN HUNTER

pairing off

The boys stared as we stood in the hallway. "Richard and Cindy?" Cory said bringing me attention to the pair. "Very deeply in love." Shawn told him. "Since when?" He asked, "Lunch."

"What did they eat?" I watched as the made out. "Clearly not enough."

Mr. Feeny approached us. "Mr, Heckle and Jekkyl, don't we have classes to attend?" Cory pointed. "Shouldn't you break them up?" He asked.

"I wouldn't interrupt their tryst, Mr. Matthews. Both A- students and happily struck by cupid." Feeny told us. "But if they were C- minus students you wouldn't let them kiss?"

"School policy don't you know?"

"So we can't kiss?" Cory asked. "With you two's grades you can't even shake hands." Feeny said, knocking Shawn's arm off my shoulders, trying to walk away.

"Just watch Mr. Feeny, by the end of the year I plan to have an A-plus average and a hickey." Cory told him. "Dare to dream Mr. Matthews." Feeny said making m and Shawn laugh.

I turned my head and spotted another couple kissing. "And there's more."

"Holy cow, Jerry and Shoshanna?" Cory asked. "Deeply." Shawn said. "Has the whole world paired off?"

"Pretty much." I told him.

Cory sighed. "Is there a list posted somewhere where I find out what girl's been assigned to me." Shawn scrunched his face. "You want a girlfriend?" He asked.

"No, not girlfriend, just a girl who's like a friend, but not a girlfriend." Cory told us. "Nope." I said backing to Shawn. "Not you." Cory muttered looking around. "Good." Shawn whispered into my hair.

A girl passed. "What about her?" Shawn asked. "How about the new girl?" I added.

"No." We sent him looks. "I mean, I don't know her.....Shut up. Look, I want someone who knows me, someone who we know each other, someone like.....Topanga!" He ran to the girl.

I turned my head into Shawn's shoulder. "I can't watch."

"For the record I dumped her." Cory said coming back. "That's how I saw it." Shawn agreed as we walked.

___________

"Dubin's out sick again." Shawn said as we sat in health. "Health teacher sick again? Not a lot of credibility." Cory said. "Ready for another creep?" I asked the pair.

A very attractive woman walked into the room. "That's no creep." I said.

"That's no substitute, that's the real thing." Shawn said. "Good afternoon class, I'm Ms. Kelly. I'll be subbing in for Mr. Dubin the next few days."

I smirked in my seat. "On behalf of the entire class I'd like to say, stay as long as you'd like."

"Now, right now you seem to be covering-" She started. "CPR, and I'm todays dummy." Shawn jumped up. "He's joking." I said pulling him down. He sent me a look but I just smiled.

"Actually we seem to be on human reproduction. Which I hope we can discuss in a mature fashion." She announced making the kids laugh. "Oh stop being so young."

He turned to Ms. Kelly. "You know, I'm not as young as they are. I've stayed back like 50 times." I scoffed, shaking off the look from Cory.

"Shut Up, Shawnie."

"Really how old are you?" She asked him. "24?" He said. "Really? Why are you in a ninth grade classroom?" She chuckled. "I'm cop." He poorly lied.

"Your girlfriends right, take your seat." She said.

My eyes went wide along with his. "We aren't-" We both stuttered burning red. "My apologies."

"All right, who can tell me where the eggs are stored?" She asked out. "Officer?" He shook his head. "I can name the stuff I have, Or at least what I call them." He told her. "You're and idiot, it's ovaries." I told her.

"Good. Can someone tell me how ovulation or pregnancy occurs?" She asked. Cory raised his hand. "Well, the man's got the sperm and the woman's got the egg. Now, one a month an egg slides down the Philippine tube towards the uterus. The first sperm to reach the egg wins, it gets a medal, it's born, you name him Cory, you push him out the door, and nothing makes sense for the rest of his life."

She chuckled at his answer. "Congratulations, you seem to have a thorough understanding of the life cycle."

"Hey I live it." He grinned. "Any questions?" She asked Cory raised his hand. "How do you get a girl to look at you?" He whispered.

_______________

"Michael and Lisa Marie?" Cory asked. "Looks like it." Shawn shrugged. "Since when?" I sighed. "Just now, that was it." I told him. "What that?" He said confused.

"Yeah you saw it happen." Shawn told him. "I can't believe this, I saw it happen and I don't even know what happened."

I patted his head. "Chill out, you'll pop a lobe."

"You're right I should relax, this coupling thing is just a phase." Cory shrugged. "I mean how long could it last, a couple weeks?"

Just as Mr. Turner walked out flirting with Ms. Kelly. Then Mr. Feeny with another older woman. I snorted turning back Cory. "I'm the only one who doesn't know how it's done."

"Listen, I think I found something that works." Shawn told him. "What?" Cory asked. "This."

Shawn ran a hand through his hair and I couldn't ignore the butterflies that filled in my stomach. "Hi Shawn." A girl walked up to us. I sent a glare in her direction and ran away.

"Wow, from across the hall." Cory said impressed. "Yeah, I got a thirty foot range." He bragged.

I sighed and moved next to him. "Let me try this." I ran a hand through my hair, flipping it around with a smirk. "She's got it." I heard Shawn whisper.

"Mandy, I was almost art and I realized I should walk you." A boy from my art class, Zach, said walking up.

"That's across the building!" Cory shouted. "Yeah, I got a seventy-five foot range." She sent a wink to the boys before walking off under Zach arm.

________________

The next day I sat in English, chuckling as Cory stared into the side of Wendy's face.

"You tell him to do that?" I whispered to Shawn. "You think I'd tell him to just sit there like a creep?" He asked back. "I wouldn't be surprised." I said as he sent small slap to my arm.

"Isn't that right Matthew's?" Turner called out, stopping at his desk. "Uh, yeah, that's right." Cory stuttered, still staring at Wendy."What's right?" Turned asked again. "What you just said?" Cory said unconvincingly. "What's I just say?"

"You weren't listening either?" Mr. Turner sighed. "Matthews keep your head facing this way, one of the other idiots, tell your buddy what I was saying."

I rolled my eyes at Shawn. "He was saying, 'Matthew's your not listening'."

"Did you even do the assignment?" Mr. Turner asked. "Some of it." Cory told him. "What did you read?" Cory smiled. "I read the page you handed us with the reading assignment."

Mr. Turner's head dropped. "I'll work with them." I told him. "Thank you Mandy." He said turning to the boys with a look of disappointment as the bell rang. "Yay. Yay." He cheered walking out.

"Hey Mandy, wanna go to Chubbie's?" Zach asked walking up to me. I glanced back at Shawn.

"Yeah. Tell me how that goes." I pointed to Cory and Wendy. He gave me a small nod. I didn't miss the hurt look on his face but I still walked out with Zach.