TEENAGE DIRTBAGS ❇ SHAWN HUNTER

the beard

"So what was Hamlet supposed to?" Mr. Turner asked the class. "His uncle offed his father, his mother's sleeping with his uncle, his girlfriend is completely schizoid, and people are dropping right and left." 

"Sounds like Thanksgiving in the trailer park." Shawn said. "Right Mandy." I sighed shaking my head. "Oh, was I not supposed to say that?"

I patted his head. "No, but it's okay cause you're cute." 

"So Hamlet is faced with a terrible dilemma and he freezes like a bunny in the high beams." Turner continued.

Linda reached back, handing a note to Cory. "For me?" He whispered. "Mandy." She whispered back

"Oh, yeah, right. See when you looked t me I naturally-" He started but she cut him off. "Just pass it." She snapped.

Cory passed the note back to me. I scrunched up my face in confusion. Why was Linda passing me a note?

"How gave you that?" Shawn asked. "I'll kill him." I chuckled. "I think it was Linda." His eyes went wide. "Oh, well. Maybe we could..."

"Seriously Shawn?" I scoffed. "What? She wrote the note." I opened the paper. "It's not for me anyways."

__________

"October 1962, young President Kennedy is faced with a seemingly impossible dilemma." Mr. Feeny said. "Mr. Hunter what are the options?"

"Marilyn Monroe or his wife?" Shawn offered. I let out a snort. "That's an easy choice."

Mr Feeny smiled. "You never disappoint Mr. Hunter." Shawn gave him a short nod. "Cory." Stacy whispered.

"Ah a note for me." He smiled. "See Mandy, you're not the only one.." He was once again cut off. "Pass it to Mandy."

Cory sighed, putting it on my desk. "Do I have an unlisted desk or something?" He nearly shouted. 

"Don't go crazy Shawn, it's another note for Matty." I said as Shawn leaned over my desk.

__________

"Matty." I said as we sat at his table. "What's up?" I handed him the papers. "Notes from Linda and Stacy."

He smirked picking them up. "Alright."

"They were for Matt?" Cory asked me. "You think Stacy and Linda would be passing notes that were actually meant for me?" 

He paused. "That makes since." I nodded. "Yeah the girls at our school wouldn't have the balls to ask me out." I smirked, leaning against Shawn.

"Stacy, Linda. Linda, Stacy." Matt muttered. "Two girls want me, I've never been so depressed in my life."

I rolled my eyes. "Oh yeah, two beautiful girls want you." Cory scoffed at him. "There must be a hotline you can call, of course your luck a girl would answer and she'd want you."

Matt's smirk came back at his words. 

"If I reject Linda she'll get upset, and there is no way I would ever want to see a pout on those beautiful lips."

He glanced to the side. "Actually it looks pretty good." Cory followed his eyes. "Where do you see that?"

"But what if I reject Stacy and she flips out, gets a sex change operation, and comes back as a really angry man seeking revenge?"

I gave him a look. "Really?" He held up his hands. "It happened to Uncle Jerry."

"Matt just choose." Cory said after sending us a look. 

He sighed staring off to the side before grinning. All of us followed his eyes. "Is she back?" I asked.

"I got an idea." 

_________

"You are a sick and twisted individual." Cory exclaimed after Matt had told us his plan.

It made sense now why he let Cory and Shawn hang around so long, he had been thinking up this plan the whole time.

"It can't work." He said. "It's bulletproof. I start dating one of the girls while you go out with the other one."

Cory groaned. "Why didn't you ask Harley?" 

"Didn't you hear? Harley's a taken man." My eyes went wide. "You're joking." He shook his head. "I'm offended he didn't tell me."

"Fine, but me and TK just broke up." He said. "Please that was weeks ago and she got sent to boarding school." Matt told him.

Cory sighed. "Again, why do you want me to date?" He asked. "That way she's off the market until I'm ready to date her."

"What? You want me to keep her fresh until you're ready for?" Cory exclaimed. "What am I? Tupperware?" 

Mandy rolled her eyes at them. Not only would their plan not work, she knew it would blow up in their faces. But that was also why she didn't say anything.

"What else are you gonna?" Matt asked him."I'll have you know my calendar is chock full." Cory gave him a look. "With what?"

"Well, look, right here. I mean, I got Lincoln's birthday, and after that I got "Lincoln's birthday, traditional," and then there's, uh, "vernal equinox" and, uh, "Cinco de Mayo" and... "reorder calendar pages." See, I'm so busy I can't even talk to you now."

Matt put his arm over Cory's shoulder with a big smile and Cory looked up at him, slightly scared.

"So, you're gonna do this for me, right Matthews?" He asked. "Oh of course I am." Cory said, shaking his head.

My brother smiled. "Great."

"Yeah, yeah. So, which one am I babysitting? The meatloaf or the chicken?" Cory asked. Matt paused. "Uh, I haven't thought about that."

Shawn spoke up. "Just go with which ever one comes up to you first. It means she likes you the best." Matt nodded. "Good thinking Hunter."

"Hey Matt." Linda said as she walked up to my brother. "Linda." He smiled. "Congratulations." Cory told her. "For what?"

Matt sent Cory a glare. "For looking very Lindacious today." He smirked at the girl. She raised raised an eyebrow at him. 

"I can't watch this anymore." I muttered in disgust. "We're leaving Shawn." I tugged his arm. "But I wanna see what happens."

I gave him a look before pulling him into a kiss.

"Yep, we're leaving." He said with a dopey smile. I chuckled, pulling him away. Both of us trying to ignore Matt's glare.

_________

That weekend Topanga came over to my house to study. "I can't believe he agreed to that." She said after I told her about 'the plan'.

"Me either. You can blame my stupid brother!" I told her, raising my voice at the end as Matt walked by. "Oh bite me." He muttered with a small glare.

I chuckled. "You know Topy, if you would've just said yes none of this would be happening."

She sent me a playful glare. "Stop bringing it up Mands. We're better as friends."

"Fine." I sighed, flipping through my textbook. 

Cory suddenly walked into my room with a sad look. "When the hell did you get here Matthews?" I asked him, sharing a confused look with Topanga.

"Your sick and twisted brother." He said, plopping on my bed beside us. "I take it the plan didn'g go well?" Topanga asked him.

He sighed, shaking his head. "They both found out and they were cheered on by Chubbie's as they poured drinks on us and yelled at us."

"Not to say I told you so, but I did tell you." I gave him a pointed look.

"I know I was just caught up in being cool like Matt." He said with a frown. "Well, you're still the sweetest boy at school."

He looked at us hopefully. "You really think so?" Topanga giggled. "Yeah we think so, Cor."

"Good, now hold me like the sweet boy I am." He grinned, laying across us both.

Topanga and I bursted into laughter at our friend.