Treasure's Journey

Treasure

As I wake up from the amazing night I had it comes back to me! The memories of everything Aaron did! Have you ever fought something so hard? A battle no one knows you are even fighting? When you love someone who has been broken it can seem like nothing can make them happy. If you love someone who's ever been hurt I mean truly hurt it can seem like those walls are so high! It can feel like a giant in front of you! This is how it feels to survive abuse of any form! Trust is so hard to accomplish because once you trust that person you let them in! You lower your walls a little! If that person you trusted hurts you the walls grow thicker! It's not that we don't want to share our feelings it's that when we do they always get crushed once more! If you love someone who is broken! If you love someone who's ever dealt with abuse! Have patience with them! The battle they fight is silent! They won't cry around you no! They cry when no one is looking! The memories live on in their mind to come back at the worst time to try and bring them back down again! You may not be the one who caused the pain but the pain is there hidden! Waiting for the right time to come out! I've never told this before but this is my silent battle I battle daily! The tears constantly flow and I think to myself if I could go back in time I never would have considered being with that person! Domestic violence is more than violence against women! It's tearing away her innocence and the ability to see herself in a positive light! It's always looking over her shoulder thinking when is the next pain coming! It's trying to be happy hoping the battle is over soon!
This is how I feel daily! I'm so afraid to let Alex in completely but I know I need healing true healing!
Baby are you okay Alex says to me! He looks up into my eyes he sees I've been crying! Immediately he takes me in his arms knowing I need comfort right now! He just holds me! Oh Alex when will the pain truly go away? How long will I feel this ache! You didn't cause it but it's still there! Baby we are going to put you in a survivor group! You need to see healing is available and talking about it with others can truly help the healing process! I'm here for you always! He says to me before placing a gentle kiss on my forehead!
I want to tell him how much I cried while he was sleeping! How the memories of Aaron on top of me holding me down by my neck takes the breath out of me! Once again I keep silent! This is after all my battle! It's silent and I fight it daily! I'm going to put on a happy face and pretend I'm okay! No one will notice right?