KISS YOU (A BIAMI ORIGINAL)

XI

I swallowed the lump building in my throat , but it can't seem to get the message as it stayed , that as much as I try to swallow it down it's not moving and leaves me suffocating

I gasped for breath

The only thing that I'll be asking is time,

Time to forget

Time for healing

All I want to do is to see her happy , coz she deserves it more than anyone else , while I'm trying to forget , while I'll be trying to forget what I've lost , while I'm trying to erase all of my what ifs and all of the almosts that I never had

Is that too much to ask?

People tend to say , you will value people more once they're gone and nothing can be more factual than that - but worse , you see them happy with someone else

My lips broke into a thin smile and forced myself to speak and I regretted it , coz out of all unimaginables , it happened , tears started streaming down my face ... again - and as much as I want to curse it , I can't - it felt what I felt ,

I feel like dying ....

Why didn't love come with health warnings?

I looked at her , worry painted on her face as she started to walk towards me,

I did what I know I have to do before she gets the whole message , before my rediculous state expose me ,

I stepped back that left her stunned

"I-I'm happy for you" I managed to speak out while starting to wipe my tears with my fingers

"Are you okay?" she worriedly asked , as she take another step forward

and I take another step back

I will be

but instead

"I'm okay , it's just that I saw how you've been and to know that you've found someone to share your important days meaningfully this time is just making me damn happy"

Lies

"Why do I feel like I'm losing you?" she whispered

I was never really yours to lose

"I'm happy for you, coz I'm your bestfriend" I sent her a smile , and I can care less how sad that smile must have been

"Thank you B , I appreciate that but I haven't told-"

she started but I cut her off

cut me some slacks will you?

I'm in so much pain and pretention that the least that I can do is talk to her about whoever that she's in love with

"Meng hold it , I'm happy for you , don't get me wrong, but I have this massive headache that I don't think I can be a good listener.. I-I really can't deal with anything right now, I'm so sorry" I gave her one last quick glance , and with one last tear, I ran towards the door straight to my bedroom , straight to my bed

I'll deal with the groceries left outside tomorrow,

When I can see things so much clearer

When it hurts less ....

I ran straight to my bed , I waited for the warmth  to build as I buried my face on the pillow , clutching the blanket to my chest, squeezing my eyes shut and all at once images came flooding back

It was all replaying on my head, an endless loop of fragmented conversations and exchanges,  
my heart that had been held captive in my throat as "I'm in love with someone else" went straight to flash my remaining sanity down .