DEAR DIARY

THE GIRL OF MY DREAMS

(P.S. I know you have heard the title before as it is title of a book written by Durjoy Dutta but it seemed suitable here for this chapter so I guess hehehe deal with it)

Dear Diary,

It's three in the morning and I am still wide awake. The dream I saw two days ago is still giving me sleepless night. I am not able to sleep as that dream plays in my mind again and again.

I know I have a life to continue as nobody is stopping for me to ask if I am alright.
Time doesn't stop. It goes on so does life.

Life stops for no one, it will go on and when the right time will come. It will submit itself to death. Life and death, These two are selfish they won't stop and ask you if you are fine even if you are on the verge of breakdown. Death won't say that it will come another day as today you seem a little sad.

Gandhiji once said" Live like you are going to die tomorrow and study like you still have got thousands of life to live"
And here I am, I studied to live but now I am living to work.

Two days ago I had a dream, I saw a girl, a very confident girl sitting in a cafe sipping coffee. She was talking to someone and they seemed deep in the conversation. Her face had this glow , that powerful glow which can make anyone feel cheerful. She seemed happy and content with her life. She seemed a little nervous as she was stealing glances at the man infront of her as if keeping a record of his expressions.

She was explaining something to him and when I peeped at their table there was lying a sheet on which a plan was made maybe of a building. It seemed like an important project I wonder why she chose this place to conduct a meeting. Maybe it was the man who chose the venue. Anyway Moving on, when I saw her face again and I studied it carefully because it looked a lot similar as if I have seen this girl before
I was in a deep thought, thinking about where have I seen this girl. But I got disturbed as they started getting up. They shook  hands and were leaving the cafe.

I don't know why but I wanted to know her , it felt like I have known her my entire life but still there was something in her which makes me want to reach out to her.
She walked towards the zebra crossing but stopped at starting point as the signal changed and cars started honking and rushing towards the other side.
I walked upto her I wanted to say something anything so I put my hand on her shoulder she turned around and before I could think of something to start the conversation my mind automatically came up with the question words just slipped from my mouth "Are you an architect?"
She looked astonished and said "yes" before  she could anything else I asked the most absurd question ever cause nobody goes around asking random stranger "Why are you so happy today?" Except if you are a youtuber trying to fool people. So yeah I asked her this she looked taken aback by my sudden question believe me so was I, but before I could apologize she answered that her hardwork paid off, she started her own firm and just now she has signed a huge project. And then she paused, I could see a tear threatening to fall from her eyes conveying her hard work and happiness.

She raised her hand forward for me to shake it as she introduced herself and I couldn't move I was in complete shock , it felt like everything was moving very fast my body was radiating heat and I was feeling hot and sweaty but the cold wind was slapping at my face and hands and at that moment the signal changed without another word she walked way and I broke out from the sleep.

It's been two days I haven't left my house. That dream has left me in complete mess my mind is running wild, Im not able to comprehend on what to do next.
That girl used to be a role model for the eighteen year old me , but now nothing seems great everything is just numb I am living a monotonous life.
Work home sleep work home sleep
No fun no happiness no success no friends
I am jealous of her, I am jealous of a girl I saw in my dream.
That sounds so absurd but for me it felt like somone just stabbed me in my gut.

I picked out my yellow sundress which was lying at the back of all the black and white boring baggy clothes in my cupboard. I put on a little soft makeup and let my wavy hair down, and then I did something I shouldn't have done I looked myself in the mirror.
Tears started sunning down from my eyes.
The girl staring back at me from the mirror is the girl of my dreams , it's her. She is happy I am not.
Now I know why that girl seemed so familiar. She was living her life before death arrives.

She was my inspiration who somehow got buried deep in my mind when I slipped into the monotonous life. That girl was the girl I used to dream about when I was seventeen or maybe eighteen. I am glad that She hasn't left my side.

First thing I am doing tomorrow morning is resigning from this monotonous life.
For once in my life I am going to give myself a treet and will clear my mind.

Sure it will be tough but I know it will be worth it.
Because I want to see that smile once again
That smile with which I have fallen in love.
And once I gain it I am never letting anyone snatch it  away from me.

"My role model is that person which I
believe I'll become after 10 years"