DEAR DIARY

A LETTER TO HER DAUGHTER'S RAPIST

I am a woman before a daughter, sister, wife or mother. I have been lived in a very typical society, which was anti-feminist. My ideology never mattered. When I was married off the only thing my father told me was "know your duties, and don't cross the line."

Till now, I never dared to even think what will happen if I ever crossed that imaginary line. That line which was made by people like me who have two eyes, one nose and one mouth, but I think a pea sized brain.

I have always lived in fear, confinement and submission. And it is not good feeling if I may tell you. That is the reason why I never wanted my children to live like how I lived.

That imaginary line used to sting my eyes. Seeing it always made me feel like I am locked behind the bars of jail for eternity. It was really difficult for me to raise my children while myself living like a slave.

And one day when that imaginary line which I was told not to cross grabbed my throat and I was chocking on all the the fake, sexist, and useless values I was being fed up by the society and my parents, I lost it. While grasping for the freedom to breath I took out my dagger and destroyed that line, because my god will never want me to live like this and rot in this hellhole and I will not make my children come near that line ever again.

Echo , my daughter was fierce, loving, and full of kindness. She was beautiful. I long for her. I never thought that I will lose her. That little act of your desire made me lose everything I was working on for years. Now I feel this empty feeling in my heart which refuses to leave. That emptiness which wants to see her radiating smile again, that twinkle in her eyes again.

You broke her, you broke her to that point that she was suffocated by the agony and she just ended her life. In the blink of an eye she was gone forever.

Now after 5 years, when I think about her, I think about the moment we must have lived together if she was here. She always wanted to go to the top of the effiel tower and shout out her name with proud. She was thankful for me to give her this life but whom am I kidding seems like I failed.........

I think I won as a mother but I failed as a woman.

That day you destroyed not only her life but with her you destroyed seven lives. My son still keeps chocolate in the refrigerator, hoping that his little sister will eat it and then he will scold her for eating his chocolates. I still make three cups of coffee in morning and sometimes I scold myself for putting two cubes of sugar in her coffee when she likes only one cube of sugar.

Your sister comes to visit me sometimes she knows it hurts and she hates you for doing what you did to my daughter knowing you also have a sister at home. She may hate you a little but above that she is sad and a little broken that her big bro who used to teach her self defense tricks to shoo away bad guys was actually a bad guy in someone else's life.

And your mother still doesn't believe that you did this deed but what can I say she is also a mother doesn't want her son to have the title of rapist but deep down she knows it and she chooses to forget it cause she have a daughter, who will marry her if people get to know that she is a sister of a rapist. But now the deed has already done.

But know that, that your father still stands by your side though his sore eyes from crying tells otherwise. Because only the thought of your son doing something which can be done to your daughter and thinking of her shaking body and disturb mind will send you to hell.

I just wish that she has fought a little more. It hurts to see that fierce tigress to became to week.

She chose a quick pain over the long ever lasting feeling of agony in her veins. Now a days I would wonder about what was bad her looks, her fierce way of saying out the truth loud or your bad thoughts about her.

I think I will go with the latter, cause nobody gave you the right to touch my daughter without her permission, even if she was standing naked in front of you.

When I left my old life I was a woman seeking for shelter and freedom. But now I am a wounded mother, and believe me when I say this you have taken away the most precious treasure from me. For which you will pay a big time.

I know I will not get my daughter back for eliminating you but you know what your parents and sister will be thankful for the punishment I will give you. If your act of desire lead you to take my daughter and strip her down from her pride and innocence, then I will make sure to strip your soul down from your body and make it leave this earth cause this is not where it belong.

I want revenge for what you have done to my daughter and you should know that I will take it i crave for your blood and after two years as soon as you will come out of the jail I will calm my thirst.

I wish those five fingers grasp my finger again,
I wish those two feet walk down my house again,
I wish those two eyes can see the world again,
I wish that mouth can say mama again,
I wish I could comb those hair again,
I wish she could scold me for pronouncing channel wrong again,
I wish she could dream some more,
So many wishes,
But not a single seems to come true,
My hugs feels cold and barren without her sticking to my chest again,
I wish she could protect herself from this world which is like Amazon forest,
Filled with deadly creature yet so beautiful.
I wish that brave heart can beat again.......................