FORTY-SIX

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His eyes are strikingly blue, his little button nose is Joel's. That dark hair is both Joel's and mine mixed on his head. Even from halfway across the room, I can see those long, dark lashes of Joel's.

Our perfect little mistake, grown.

"Can you say, Aspen?" Nick asks. He can see the awkwardness and he's trying to save it.

"Ass-en," Gabriel squeaks.

A laugh escapes from my mouth.

"How about pen?" I ask.

"En!"

"Yay!" I giggle. "Hello, Gabriel!"

"Biccie!"

"Biscuit?" I question. He nods like a bobblehead, those eyes of Joel's shining away in excitement.

"Do you want to sit on the sofa?" Nick asks him as Hannah walks in. Her hand touches my shoulder and I turn to her, wiping the one tear that has

surfaced.

"It's okay to cry, you know," she whispers.

I take the lid off the biscuit tin and put it in Nick's hand when he appears.

"He seems to like you. Maybe you wanna give him these? He might even be open to sharing one. That would mean he likes you," Nick suggests.

I know what he's trying to do, so I take the biscuit tin back from him. I stare at those tiny chubby cheeks as he grips a small blue square of blanket material, a tiny white teddy bear's head sticking out from the middle.

"Where...?" I whisper to Hannah, but I know exactly where it's come from. I remember picking it out with Joel in town before he was born. The social worker suggested we could give it to him if we wanted to – it would've been up to the new parents if they kept it.

"It's the one you bought him. I thought it would be a nice gesture for when he's older," Hannah whispers back.

A single tear escapes my eye and I wipe it before breathing and approaching Gabriel on the sofa. He has a small blue bowl on his lap, clearly ready for his biscuits.

"Gabriel, do you want biscuits?" I ask and hand him the tin. He gives me a toothy grin and takes the tin from my hands. I help him rest it on his little lap and the first thing he does is take one and pretend to feed his comfort blanket.

"What's his name?" I ask about the bear.

"Bear," he answers with his mouth full.

"Is Bear hungry?" I ask, and he nods. "Shall I get Bear his own plate?" He nods in answer. I stand up and head straight to the kitchen, returning with a yellow plastic plate Nick put on the side earlier.

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