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T W O  M O N T H S   L A T E R  -  D E C E M B E R   12TH    2 0 1 9

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The photo on my phone shows a different story to how it actually happened. As Hannah moves around the flat answering the door to my dad, making tea, and fawning over my dress, all I can think of is how happy Joel and I looked in the photo. Yet I know how the story is told is something else entirely.

That parasite I've had on my conscience for the past two years has been gone for a few months now, but now the day of my wedding to Nick is here, it seems to have come back with a vengeance.

How can I be happy when Joel is in the cold, hard ground? How can I be happy when he wasn't? How can I move on when he didn't get to? I might not have been in love with him, but I did love him in my own way. We were companions, best friends, and though we had issues, we got each other through some of the worst times of our lives. He's been dead for nine months now, yet it still feels like yesterday that it happened.

My phone buzzes. I read the message from Summer: 'Hey, I'm so sorry I can't make it. I hope you understand why. I'm so pleased for you both – have a wonderful wedding day! Summer xx.'

I smile and message her back quickly as my dad appears in the room. I invited her just in case, but, naturally, she's still in pain over Sienna.

"Aspen. You look amazing already!"

"I'm still in my pyjamas, Dad!" I joke. "I've got half an hour until we need to leave, so I'll put my dress on soon."

"Your hair looks lovely," Dad says. Hannah beams at him as they hug.

"I helped her!" Hannah shows off, the proud look on her face is evident. When I glance in the mirror, staring at the curls she's given me and the way my makeup is just right, I smile at myself. I don't know why I'm thinking of Joel right now. Today is about Nick and me. Or at least, that's what I've been trying to tell myself. I knew I would think about Joel today. How could I not?

I finish the prosecco in my glass while Hannah and my dad chat about the wedding and how excited Nick was last night and this morning before she came over. My dad gushes about how he's told all of his new church friends and got the day off work for this.

My phone buzzes again: 'My daisy! Happy wedding day. I can't wait to see you at the end of the aisle, my gorgeous soon to be wife! Love you more than my vows could ever say.'

I smile as he then adds a ton of wedding-themed emojis with kissing faces.

'I can't wait to marry you, my knight in scrubs! I swear I'll be disappointed if you don't wear your scrubs today!'

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